Britain: Prepare for hell!

Suckers.

The lefties, who had fallen out of love with the Scotsman, were seduced by the new-look Liberal Democrats.

All that breathless talk of "change" and a "new politics" seemed so irresistible, such a turn-on after 13 years of spin, slump and economic destitution.

Like a bunch of dime-a-dozen bar-room hookers, the Lib Dems flashed some flesh and promised to deliver goggle-eyed Labour supporters an agenda of social reform and touch-feely equality, the like of which they had never been offered by the Scotsman.

"Vote for us - and we'll drop our knickers," is what Nick Clegg's team effectively promised.

It was intoxicating stuff.

Hell, the Lib Dems would even let immigrants run riot, give the nation's lost "illegals" an amnesty, and chuck away our nuclear deterrent.

Brilliant!

Anyway, Labour was doomed and if the flakey Socialists didn't vote Liberal then the Nasty Party would get in.

They'd never be able to live with themselves if that happened.

Of course, the Socialists should have been more careful about what they wished for.

Pygmy

Because Clegg and his crusties did indeed get into office - but only as power-broking, pygmy makeweights to the Tories.

So "ha-ha" to all those former Labour loyalists who lost their nerve and voted Lib Dem. Right?

Well, yes, up to a point.

Because despite all the misty-eyed Tory euphoria that has greeted the party's return to power, it is important that Cameron and his inner circle don't forget an important fact.

There are an awful lot of Conservative supporters who voted blue in the expectation that that is what they would get.

A truly Conservative (with a big C) administration.

They didn't vote Tory thinking their man would jump straight into bed with the first suitor.

The integrity of Ex-Home Secretary Jacqui Smith was shattered when it was revealed her hubby had been watching porno films at the taxpayers' expense.

Many of us expected more of Dave and never dreamed that he would be so easily seduced by Clegg's "come hither" advances.

So Labour supporters who voted Lib Dem will privately lick their wounds and get over their fatal error of judgment.

But poor old Tories will have to live with the mucky deals struck by Dave and Clegg for years to come.

In hindsight, we shouldn't have been surprised Dave would fall so easily into the arms of Clegg. They come from the same background.

Neither of them has done a day's work in their lives.

Dave has dabbled with public relations while Clegg has wafted around the corridors of European bureaucracy, both of them pursuing career options that require the work ethic, and brains, of a rubber chicken.

We now face a bizarre state of affairs.

It will do the country no good, despite all the empty rhetoric about "progressive politics".

In Clegg, we have a Deputy Prime Minister whose party actually polled less than a quarter of the seats of the losing bunch.

That means Clegg is more than four times less liked and trusted than the Scotsman. And no-one liked or trusted him.

Yet Clegg and his team talk about their "political legitimacy." I hate to break it to you, chaps, but you don't have any.

Despite this, Clegg is set to build a Whitehall powerbase where he can draw up his masterplan to re-write Britain's voting system and water down national security.

A man whose party could muster only 57 seats will stand in for Dave at Prime Minister's Questions. If Dave falls ill, or takes a bullet, Clegg will have his finger on that big red nuclear button.

And this is a man, remember, who wants to dump Trident and leave our shores open to the mad Iranians and North Koreans.

So don't believe the headlines that Dave and Clegg are the new Morecambe and Wise, and will "bring us sunshine."

Labour's humiliation is coming to an end but the Conservative Party's - and Britain's - is only just beginning.