Recently in Television Category

See how long it takes you to scream....

Jedward have said they'd love to star in the Harry Potter films.

John and Edward Grimes, who found fame through The X Factor, would love nothing more than to appear in the film franchise.

"We love Harry Potter, we can't wait to do all this stuff... Can you imagine us as wizards?" they said on Live From Studio Five.

The twins' quiffs have risen to new heights, garnering more attention than they ever thought possible.

Asked if they would shave their hair off to get to No 1, John said: "We'd give everything a try," but Edward was quick to disagree: "I don't think so!"

The only magic that Telly Talk wants to see associated with Jedward is them disappearing in a poof of smoke!

Ok, well not official.

But it's blatantly obvious.

A few weeks back I slammed Dev Alahan as the most pointless character in soap.

Now after me slating him for never having a storyline the scriptwriters have engineered the return of his ex-wife Sunita.

Hopefully we will now see them sail off into the sunset never to be seen again.

Enough is enough now.

Despite this being a hit with the viewing figures and getting a stupid amount of column inches in the tabloids. Really - it was turgid tripe, yes?

Quote of the week from Davina McCall: "Four men mooing and oinking and neighing at me was weird. I never thought they'd be scared of a chicken."

Putting Davina into the Celebrity Big Brother house was a genius idea, but they didn't exploit its potential. True, the bit where she was laughing with Stephanie was great, but all that pointless running around the house while the bemused housemates, who'd already guessed she wasn't Nicola, looked on was just silly.

She should have revealed herself much sooner, and she should have stayed in the house much longer. Why leave as soon as she was unmasked, before even any conversation? Why not live there for a couple of days until the final?

Talking of which, who do you think's going to win? Alex is the hot favourite, much to my surprise, but then I had no idea Ulrika would win last year.

He has made a success of his time in the house, up to a point. He's shown that he is, on the whole, a nice bloke. But he's also proved he's rather stupid and gullible - all that stuff with Stephen Baldwin when he became his disciple was cringe-making, as was his adoration of Vinnie Jones. Plus he's been economical with the truth, going on about how manipulative the media is when he's sold stories and done his best to become famous.

So I rather hope he doesn't win. I'd like brilliantly snobby but very funny Stephanie or Dane - who's turned out to be intelligent and decent - to triumph, please.

They might as well rename it the National Television X Factor Awards.

The ITV show took over the NTAs tonight, from host Dermot O'Leary to frequent shots of Simon Cowell, and from Jedward performing to Joe McElderry singing AND giving out an award. They even used the X Factor voiceover man, and of course the show was named best talent show.

But I still enjoyed tonight's show. Dermot was a breath of fresh air, not as polished as Stephen Fry or Jonathan Ross but so much more fun than staid Sir Trevor. He was even quite amusing with his jokes.

On the whole, the great British public did well with their choices. I'm really pleased Gavin & Stacey won Best Comedy, they deserved it - and Harry Hill's won quite enough.
As have Ant and Dec, though it didn't stop them picking up yet more gongs.

Lacey Turner and especially Craig Gazey were top choices. I loved the Corrie actor winning Best Newcomer - "I couldn't win a tombola before I joined the show" - and it was a nice touch dedicating his award to Maggie Jones.
It was only right that Corrie won best soap, it's been much better than EastEnders lately.

I said Popstar to Operastar was going to be bad, and I was right. It's one of the worst programmes on terrestrial TV!

Let's start with the horrendous set. They've tried to turn a TV studio into a theatre, complete with chandeliers and boxes, but it's just a baroque nightmare with flock wallpaper more fitting in an Indian restaurant.

I don't understand who the show is trying to appeal to. Those who like pop aren't really interested in opera and opera lovers will think this tacky show is cheapening their art form, and they're right.
What is it supposed to prove, that it's possible to learn to sing opera in a couple of weeks?

It's full of odd-looking characters. Opera singer Rolando looks like a Muppet with that extraordinary hair. Alan Titchmarsh looks like Dracula with his bad hair and teeth.
Myleene Klass, wearing horrible bright pink lipstick, spouted too many terrible puns.
Let's not even mention Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen and his fatuous comments.

The BBC show Maestro, where they learned to conduct an orchestra, had a bit of class to it. This is just tacky.
The only thing that isn't cheap about it is the cost of voting, at a whopping 50p a time.

They say it isn't over until the fat lady sings, but we can't wait that long. Get it off our screens now.

Jonathan Ross has launched a campaign on Twitter to persuade Channel 4 to bring Celebrity Big Brother back next year.

Writing on his official page, the star said: "Am I alone in thinking that Channel 4 should keep CBB going? This is not me looking for work btw !! But it's a fun show....who's yer fave ?"

Now I think Wossy would be great in CBB, in fact I think next year they should extend the show so it is about 10 years long, send him in the house and not televise it.

You wait years for a BBC drama to be shot in Birmingham, then two come along at the same time.

We now get double the opportunity every week to play 'spot the Brummie location', with Hustle being shown on Monday and now Survivors on Tuesday.

Last night I spotted the derelict Central TV studios off Broad Street doubling for an old hospital, while Baskerville House and the Hyatt Hotel both featured heavily.

Food fans may also have noticed that the restaurant where Greg (Paterson Joseph) had an outbreak of violence and beat up his wife's lover was Piccolinos in Brindleplace. Those circular red banquettes were a giveaway.

This has to be one of the maddest concepts ever to grace our screens.

Even more silly than Celebrity Love Island and The Farm is Popstar To Operastar, which starts on ITV1 next week. Everything about it is contrived, including the title - it pains me to write it like that, as pop star and opera star should be separate words, not run together to make it snappier.

The premise is daft enough, taking pop singers and trying to make them sing in an operatic style. Why, what's the point?

But what makes this show so bizarre is the list of people involved. Katherine Jenkins will be mentoring the likes of Bernie Nolan, Jimmy Osmond and Danny from McFly, who will perform in front of judges - wait for it - Meat Loaf and Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Madness!

Myleene Klass, who hasn't been on telly for all of five minutes, pops up yet again to host with Alan Titchmarsh.

So that's a gardener and an interior designer pretending to be experts on classical music.

Other contestants include Kym Marsh and Darius, who both shot to fame on the original Popstars (which I blame for starting the whole 'pop stars as one word' craze).

Of course I'll be watching, this promises to be car crash telly. But what next, I wonder? Celebritydriver To Formulaonestar? Or Bricklayer To Brainsurgeon?