October 2011 Archives

Well that'll teach Kelly Rowland to skive off work and ring in sick with an exaggerated husky voice, won't it?

Oh, I'm sure she really is under the weather, but when you're being paid loads of money to appear on TV - and people's careers depend on you - the least you can do is drag yourself out of bed and make an effort. And perhaps be in the same country.

The price she paid for not being on The X Factor at the weekend was one of her acts, Sophie Habibis, getting the chop. Shame, especially when she is so much better at singing than Frankie 'I'll just shout the words' Cocozza.

It was a surprise to see Misha B in the bottom two, too. Perhaps her weird monobrow and rhino horn hair was a styling mess too far.

All the Halloween theming to Strictly and X Factor got very tiresome - talk about laying it on thick. It was like being repeatedly hit by a broomstick.

And yet, unlike last week, no-one questioned some of the odd song choices. In what way were Frankie and Craig's songs anything to do with Halloween, either in the subject or styling? Unless you count Frankie's scary hair, but he has that every week.

I wish Tulisa would learn how to say 'ballad', and make up her mind who she wants to sing them. She has a go at Craig for singing too many 'ballids', then says she's glad Johnny finally got to belt one out.

Still, for all its faults, the original X Factor is still miles better than the US version. Steve Jones is a terrible host, showing zero charisma and just hurrying everyone along in a grumpy way.
And Nicole Scherzinger seemed not to know what was going on half the time. You're on live TV, love.

Still, at least she showed up.

There was much that was hidden about the BBC1 drama Hidden.

A coherent plot, for one.

And, apart from Philip Glenister as rough-hewn solicitor Harry Venn, decent characters that weren't caricatures.

There was lots of action but precious little explanation, and I was left feeling baffled by the enigmatic ending.

It showed such promise but ultimately failed to deliver. Shame.

Oh dear. It seems that the god that is Gary Barlow is merely just a man after all.

I have been in love with him since his reincarnation as a handsome, cool judge on X Factor.

But Saturday's show made me go off him a bit, as he came across as grumpy, arrogant and patronising.

He fell out with everyone, but there was no need for him to rub it in with Louis that he was head judge. And that to condescendingly say: "Tulisa, I don't think you've quite understood the challenge this week."

He told an act that they should stand up to their mentor, though I wonder how he would take it if one of his boys questioned him.

And worst of all, he admitted that he had lied about Frankie Cocozza's terrible performance last week.

I reckon he was fibbing a bit this week too, as Frankie was almost as bad. He didn't deserve to go through, and Sami didn't deserve to be booted off over Kitty with her nasal whine.

One thing intrigues me about The X Factor. Where are the judges going when they're filmed for their 'walk and talk' reactions? I know there are a lot of ad breaks, but surely by the time they reach their desination, it's time to walk back again?

Over on Strictly Come Dancing, they've taken to making up words. After Craig called Dan's performance "lumpestuous" the other week, now Len is at it.
He said he liked the "efficacity" of a dance.

Neither of these words exist, but I don't really mind as it's still entertaining.

And in other, more important, news, Spooks came to an end last night.

I am still upset that it had to finish, and devastated at the tragedy that befell Harry and Ruth, who I was really hoping would be able to retire to that beachside house with a green front door.

But as Ruth said: "We were never meant to have those things," so it was a fitting, if emotional end to a fantastic drama.

IF your mansion house needs haunting, just call Rentaghost...

Which, to British TV viewers, will always mean a group of misfit ghosts including a court jester, a pantomime horse and a woman who would go on to star in Coronation Street.

But which may now become known to Americans as a film starring Ben Stiller.

Twentieth Century Fox have acquired the rights to the supernatural British comedy and will turn it into a movie, after a plan for it to star Russell Brand fell through.

In the TV series, Rentaghost is a company in South Ealing run by Fred Mumford, a man who was never a success in life but who hopes to make a killing in the afterlife by finding work for fellow ghosts.

His first and only recruits are the mischievous jester Timothy Claypole (Michael Staniforth) and Hubert Davenport (Michael Darbyshire), a Victorian gentleman shocked by the modern world.

They rent an office from Harold Meaker, and as the series developed - there were nine in all - other characters were introduced.

These included Nadia Popov, who suffers from hayfever and teleports away when she sneezes, Scottish witch Hazel and pantomime horse Dobbin.

Nadia was played by Walsall-born Sue Nicholls (pictured above), now famous for playing Audrey Roberts in Corrie. Lynda Marchal played Nadia's cousin Tamara and went on to find greater fame as crime writer Lynda La Plante.

Other household names included Christopher Biggins, who played entrepreneur Adam Painting, always keen to involve the ghosts in his latest scheme.

When actor Michael Darbyshire died in 1979, Anthony Jackson (Mumford) declined to appear in the next series, leaving Michael Staniforth - who also wrote and sang the theme tune - as the only original ghost.

Davenport and Mumford's absences were explained at the start of the series by them having acquired permanent haunting jobs at a stately home.

After Mumford's departure, the business was taken over by Harold Meaker (Edward Brayshaw) and his wife Ethel (Ann Emery, sister of comic Dick).

The long-suffering neighbours of Rentaghost were the Perkins, who thought the Meakers were mad. They had a magic talisman which made their every wish come true, with 'hilarious' results as they are not aware of what was going on.

Originally called Second Chance but fortunately given the snappier title, Rentaghost came 12th in a Channel 4 poll of the greatest children's TV shows.

It's not the most hilarious of programmes, relying a lot on corny old jokes, dreadful puns and slapstick, but it must have done something right for 58 episodes to be made.

Even if every episode of the last series ended in the same way, with the cryptic words "Don't go into the cellar....!"

It was even turned into a stage musical, bizarrely written by squeaky-voiced Joe Pasquale, which toured the country in 2006.

ROZ LAWS

So yesterday I went to London to meet his man.

Yes, I know, I have a really tough job. But someone's got to do it, so it might as well be me who watches George Clooney's latest film and then listens to him chat about it.

I'm happy to report that the movie - The Ides of March - is very good, which I'm sure will come as a great relief to George who has co-written, directed, produced and stars in it.

And I'm also happy to report that George did indeed look gorgeous in the flesh. Tanned, smooth, funny and smart, he has a smile that lights up the room.

Excuse me while I swoon a little.

There's less than four days left to vote in the National Television Awards.

Actually, that's not strictly true. That's the deadline for voting on the long list of nominees. When that's whittled down, we'll have to vote again in January.

But this is a good chance to get your favourite shows on the shortlist. Remember, that's how Waterloo Road managed to clean up last year, when it's far from the best drama on telly.

It can be hard to choose in some categories, though, when there are so many options - and when shows which are not at all similar are up against each other.

How can we rate Big Fat Gypsy Weddings against The Great British Bake Off? Or Antiques Roadshow against An Idiot Abroad? Yet they are all in the Factual Programme category.

In the Reality section, The Apprentice is judged against The Only Way Is Essex. But somehow I think the likes of I'm A Celebrity might just edge out Peter Andre: The Next Chapter.

There are a whopping 35 shows in the Drama section but only six Newcomers, some of whom I've barely heard of but others who have been around for years. Casualty star William Beck has been in leading roles for a decade, so how can he possibly be Newcomer?

Similarly, Chris Fountain starred in Hollyoaks and Dancing On ice before he joined the Corrie cast, so he's been a 'newcomer' since 2003.

Other odd choices include considering the disastrous Red Or Black in the Entertainment Programme category, along with Sing If You Can, Lee Mack's All Star Cast and The Magicians.

Bizarrely, these fluffy flops are in the same category as University Challenge and Celebrity Mastermind.

And in the Entertainment Presenter section, the likes of Myleene Klass, Lenny Henry and Steve Jones are listed - for now - alongside the greats of Graham Norton, Harry Hill, Ant and Dec and Philip Schofield.

So it's important to vote, to sort out the wheat from the chaff and make sure the dud shows and celebs don't make the shortlist.

Go to www.nationaltvawards.com now.

I would have preferred to see Nancy Dell'Olio leave Strictly Come Dancing at the weekend, but Edwina Currie is no great loss either.

Still, I thought Tess Daly was a little mean to rub in how rubbish she is at dancing just before she was booted off.

As she stood there awaiting the verdict, Tess kindly reminded her: "Bruno said 'You're like a bendy bus going round a roundabout.'"

What a nice comment to be ringing in her ears as she left!

At least her departure will stop Brucie's dreadful curry puns.

I do hope that Nancy is voted off next week. She's by far the worst dancer and is clearly testing Anton's patience, as he's being decidedly grumpy. I can't think who is voting for her, as she's so full of herself and not exactly the most pleasant contestant.
She really thinks she's the most famous Italian in Britain, when in fact she's not even the most famous Italian on Strictly.

Still, it was a great weekend of reality TV. I have to applaud The X Factor for taking something that really need only have lasted five minutes and somehow spun it out to a whole hour on Sunday night.

For all the judges' agonising, tears and apparent mind-changing, the choice of who to get rid of was very simple and one I easily predicted as soon as I'd seen the performances.

The remaining acts are all pretty good, though, so the real fun will start next week.

I take my hat off to Vic Goddard, the extraordinarily patient head teacher of Passmores School in Harlow.

"You will always be welcomed back here, no matter how many times you annoy us," he told rogue pupil Vinni on last night's edition of Educating Essex.

He tried so hard with 15-year-old Vinni, who had gone from a star pupil to a difficult, truculent, rule-breaking lad after the break-up of his parents' marriage.

And it was sad to see him being sent to a children's home because his mum could no longer cope with his behaviour and his father seemed to have moved on to a new family.

The school did seem the one constant in his life and I'm glad the teachers tried to help him.

But I can't help but think they were being a little too conciliatory, given the provocation. It can't have been much fun for pupils who were trying to learn when Vinni wandered in and out of classes and did whatever he felt like, while teachers failed to discipline him.

Is one of the problems we have with bad behaviour among the young down to the fact that they are simply allowed to get away with it?

Whatever the moral issues, this was fascinating viewing. Channel 4 has produced some brilliant fly-on-the-wall documentaries recently with One Born Every Minute and 24 Hours in A&E and this is no different.

At 8.30pm, you could hear the hullaballoo across the land, as people shouted 'No!' and threw things at their tellies.

The cause, of course, was Louis Walsh on The X Factor. He gave us Wagner last year but has now finally lost the plot.

I couldn't believe it when he selected thin-as-a-rake, camp 45-year-old Johnny Robinson, who's likeable enough but hardly has the best voice. And definitely doesn't fit Louis's own criteria of wanting someone contemporary, edgy and the next big pop star. He looks more like a cartoon character or puppet. Or Melvyn Hayes.

But I got really annoyed when he went for annoying diva Kitty and, even worse, joke act Goldie over lovely Sami who can actually sing.

Thank goodness Goldie pulled out, perhaps realising that she would only become a laughing stock. Or she only entered for a bet and never expected to get through to the final. I mean, who on earth in their right mind would put her through?

And I'm glad he put soldier Jonjo in, after a ridiculously drawn-out programme crammed full of more sobbing and cliches than ever before. "This means everything to me," "This is make or break, "This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make," etc etc etc.

But Louis, this is really not funny any more.