June 2011 Archives

I've discovered the job I might just leave journalism for - Biscuit Development Boffin.

What a fantastic occupation! I'm not sure this is their official title, but it's what the people working in a Welsh factory were called on The Apprentice, so it must be true.

"Never say never in the biscuit world," was their motto. I love the fact that anything is possible, though maybe not Tom's idea of an 'emergency' biscuit.

Most biscuits I consume are emergency biscuits, eaten because of the emergency that I'm hungry and need a chocolate-covered piece of confectionary RIGHT NOW.

Tom's idea was at least better than Melody's "biscuits - the new popcorn" approach.

She was more scary than ever, leading to the quote of the week from Zoe: "I couldn't give a shiny sh*t about Melody, she's doing my head in."

The look on Tom's face when one buying team dissed his Bix Mix biscuit was priceless.

I really wish he would win a task, as I can't take much more of this boardroom tension when it looks like he's going to get fired.

Would you spend more than £120 on a teapot that's really a lamp?

No, me neither.

I was amazed how many French shops seemed to go for this overpriced bauble, that's as much use for holding tea as a chocolate teapot yet hardly emits any light either.

It says something about the sales skills of the candidates on The Apprentice that they managed to shift any of this product, so grudging respect to Melody.

She was very good at French (one of six languages she speaks - she runs a global business, you know) but frankly she scares me.

There was a moment of real suspense when I feared Lord Sugar was going to fire my favourite, Tom the inventor. I was really worried he was going, but fortunately he dispatched Leon instead.

Helen is the star of the show and I'd be amazed if she's not in the final.

The highlight of the episode for me? Lord Sugarr's pronunciation of the Chomps Ellieses. And he runs a global business, too.

SO, what do we make of the new Corrie family to invade the Rovers?

Personally I don't really mind Michelle Collins's Mancunian accent. It seemed pretty convincing to me and did enough to make me forget about Cindy Beale.

But then I'm no expert. My friend in the north disagrees, pointing out how often Lancashire and Yorkshire telly accents descend into 'ay oop' pantomime dialects. Apparently Jason Isaacs is the best faux-Yorkshireman on TV at the moment in Case Histories.

But back to Corrie. I certainly liked new bar manager Stella Price better than her boyfriend Karl - I just can't take John Michie seriously in the role and keep expecting to tell us there's been a murrrder, Taggart-style.

The episodes where Stella and co arrived were a little odd. Why did Steve interview all the other candidates in the back room but speak to Stella out front, where everyone could see her?

Why didn't he make it clear if it was a live-in or live-out job? And just how many bedrooms does the Tardis-like Rovers have, anyway?

For now, I'm intrigued enough by these newcomers to keep watching. Let's just hope the Price will be right in the end.

He may have been forced to go to Switzerland to die, but Peter Smedley could not have been more British as he breathed his last.

He and his wife Christine maintained their frightfully stiff upper lips as he prepared to kill himself.

With huge understatement, she spoke of how his death after 40 years of marriage would be "a wrench".

The grim reaper came bearing cups of tea.

"Thank you for looking after me, you've been first class," he told the Dignitas employees who handed him the poison, which he admitted tasted "ghastly" but didn't complain.

After he'd gone, they encouraged Christine to cry and 'let it all out'. "I don't think I can do that," she replied with great dignity.

They were both very brave to agree to let the cameras, and Terry Pratchett, watch Peter's moving departure for the BBC1 documentary Choosing To Die.

They were hard scenes to watch, but I feel this was an important documentary which wasn't all one-sided. Terry admitted to being distrustful of the 'one-stop-shop' approach of Dignitas and he spoke to others with terminal illnesses who didn't want to end their lives early. The chirpy London cabbie spoke of giving life 'another roll of the dice'.

Assisted dying is a hot topic on TV at the moment, what with Jackson being helped to kill himself on Emmerdale. It's all about the quality of life but, while I support someone's right to die in theory, in practice it's a thorny issue.

Quite apart from the fact it's illegal, should Jackson's boyfriend and mother have helped him die when he'd barely had time to come to terms with his disabled state and still, many would say, had a lot to live for?

On a more practical note, at least the Emmerdale villagers managed to do it without breaking the bank. The most surprising part of the BBC2 film was discovering that Dignitas charges £10,000 to help you die.

They're not just doing this for altruistic motives and to champion human rights, then. This is clearly a profitable business and death costs.

In a somewhat belated blog, I'd just like to say how much I now love McFly.

I know I'm far too old to like their brand of cheeky chappy pop, and in fact I've never paid that much attention to them before.

But they were brilliant on the celebrity edition of The Cube.

Tom Fletcher did much better than most contestants on the nailbiting ITV1 show, even getting to see what the £250,000 game would be before wisely deciding to walk away with £100,000 for his charities.

So well done, Tom. But also well done to his band mates, who offered him wise and hilarious advice.

I'm not sure I could even have told you which one was Dougie before (come on, they do look a bit alike) but he is now my favourite.

He came out with some excellent one-liners. His best was at the end when agreeing with Tom that he should walk away: "That'll do, Pig. That'll do."

Bless!