February 2011 Archives

The Model Agency looks like it's going to be the must-see documentary series to fill the hole left by Big Fat Gypsy Weddings.

Although nothing can quite fill that huge bright-pink-dress-clashing with-fake-tan-shaped hole.

Like BFGW, the new Channel 4 series sheds light on an alien world into which most of us have no access - in this case, because we're not tall or pretty enough. Or perhaps too tall and pretty in the wrong way.

And it also introduces us to some faintly disturbing practices. While the gypsies had 'grabbing', the model agency bookers talk about 'nurturing' their young stars.

Some, like India, were scouted when aged just 12 and have been virtually stalked ever since by the agency.

"We wait for them and nurture them," said one, creepily.

Now India is 16 and has been sent on her own to New York, where she's understandably having second thoughts about her life and decides to quit modelling.

On the surface the bookers are understanding about her dilemma, while also putting pressure on her to change her mind - and privately berating her for all the time and money they've spent 'nurturing' her which is now wasted. It's all a bit worrying.

Still, I'm loving the show and swearing, straight-talking, chain-smoking owner Carole. And bitchy Paul, who gleefully tells callers "5ft 5? That's way too short!" and declares "No hostages today!".

How ridiculous that the latest TV stars are now complaining about their fame and threatening to sue.

Those who took part in Big Fat Gypsy Weddings are whining that the show has led to bullying and is affecting their livelihoods.

"People are absolutely fuming about it. It's been a real nightmare for us," said one gypsy.

Oh, come on. What on earth did you expect when you took part in the series? The cameras are just depicting your life. If people react to that, it's because of how you are, not because of any manipulation.

I think the series was actually pro-gypsy. The sympathetic makers didn't probe too deeply into anything controversial, completely failing to try to get answers to the one question we were all asking - where did they get all their money from? Just how much did those amazing wedding dresses cost?

If you agree to go on TV, you have to be prepared to face the consequences, so just grow up and shut up.

I love Helena Bonham Carter. There, I've said it.

I think she's a brilliant actress - not many people can go from playing the Queen Mother to a cleaner from a Wolverhampton council estate - but I also love the fact she really doesn't care what anyone thinks about her.

She wears what she wants, which means she often comes out with bizarre fashion combinations, but at least she provides work for magazine writers looking to fill 'what are you wearing?' pages.

And she says just what she thinks, which is refreshing in a world where actors are media-trained to within an inch of their lives and come out with deadly dull quotes. Helena is never dull.

I am delighted that she won a Bafta - after being nominated so many times and losing out, she richly deserves it - and even more delighted with her wonderful speech.

"I'm so used to losing, it's quite a strange feeling to win," she said. Bless. "Though children, if you're watching, it's not about the winning.

"It's my privileged to keep on working in this oversubscribed profession. To go out and make a living by getting dressed up and pretending to be somebody else for the day, then getting paid lots of money...it's as good as it gets," she continued. Well done for pointing out that acting isn't such a hard job and you have fun doing it.

"My underskirt has got hitched up, this is not a good moment," she said at one point, before dedicating her award to 'best supporting women' around the world. Just brilliant.

IT'S almost a shock when Matt Lucas turns up as himself, as we're so used to him as the man of many faces.

In Little Britain he played everyone from chav teen mum Vicky Pollard and wheelchair user Andy Pipkin to weight loss guru Marjorie Dawes and PVC-clad Daffyd, 'the only gay in the village'.

And in the BBC1 mockumentary Come Fly With Me, he dresses up as Precious, the black woman who runs the coffee kiosk, demanding elderly passenger Hetty and check-in girl Keeley.

All this transformation takes hours in the make-up chair, as revealed in Tuesday's documentary Come Fly On The Wall.

So it came as a pleasant relief for Matt when a role required him to do absolutely nothing to his appearance. Because even though he's playing - wait for it - a garden gnome, Matt just had to provide his voice.

He stars in the new animated film Gnomeo and Juliet, which opens on Friday.

Matt says: "I'm usually up at 4.30am to have prosthetics put on, so it was lovely to get up at 9am, have some breakfast, get into a car they've sent for you, and sit down with a cup of tea in a recording studio to say six lines and then go home.

"I did that about twice a year for three years, then I turn up at the premiere where everyone says 'well done', and give interviews where I say 'acting is terribly hard, you know'. But it wasn't on this, it was very pleasurable."

Set in Verona Drive in Stratford-upon-Avon, Gnomeo and Juliet features a Brummie Miss Montague (Julie Walters) involved in a feud with her next-door-neighbour Mr Capulet (Richard Wilson). All their gnomes and garden ornaments are deadly enemies too, but then Gnomeo Montague (James McAvoy) falls for Juliet Capulet (Emily Blunt).

Matt plays Gnomeo's best friend Benny, based on the Shakespeare character Benvolio - though his name also allows a handy segue into the Elton John song Bennie and the Jets.

Elton and his husband David Furnish produced the film, another reason for Matt to take part. He's a good friend of the couple but has long been a lover of Elton's music.

"I'm a proper fan, I'd seen him about a dozen times before I even met him.

"It's hard to pick my favourite Elton song. I told Bernie Taupin, his lyricist, that Song For Guy is his best work to wind him up, because it doesn't have any words.

"A good karaoke song is I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues," adds Matt, bursting into song and demonstrating with hand gestures.

"I think Shakespeare would love Gnomeo and Juliet. He'd be dancing in his grave to the music of Elton John, that famous gnomosexual..."

It's not the first time Matt has appeared in a Shakespearean production. In 2000 he played Thersites in the tragedy Troilus and Cressida at the Old Vic, though it was memorable for all the wrong reasons.

"The director, Dominic Dromgoole, wrote a chapter in his book Will And Me about it, classing it as a career low. He blamed the overt alcoholism of the cast, but I was stone cold sober so I don't know what my excuse was.

"The reviews were terrible and it's a wonder I ever got back on stage again.

"One night I went on and had just said the first word of my speech, 'Agamemnon!', when a woman tutted really loudly in the front row. I thought 'Come on, I've only done four syllables, give us a chance!'.

"It was worse than any heckle I've ever had to cope with."

The most emotional moment of my TV viewing week came on Michel Roux's Service.

This fascinating BBC2 series came to a satisfying and moving finale as chef Michel chose the three youngsters on whom he was bestowing a scholarship.

He'd taken a mixed bunch of eight, ranging from graduates to dinner ladies, and taught them how to be front of house staff in restaurants.

And for most of them, the transformation was incredible. I was particularly pleased - and a little choked up - when my favourite, Asbo Ashley, won one of the scholarships. An angry young man from a Leeds council estate, he'd left school at 14 and been in trouble with the police.

He'd barely set foot in a restaurant before. Yet by the end of the experiment, he was a hard-working, diligent and charming waiter who desperately wanted something better for himself.

This series was positive TV at its best. Sure, winning X Factor or The Apprentice is a big deal for those involved, but they're already talented or successful.

I've rarely seen a show to have such a life-changing effect on those who took part. And with any luck it might raise the profile of the service industry and make youngsters realise this is a worthwhile profession. Maybe then we customers might get better service in food outlets.

Well done to Michel, who achieved it with encouragement and inspiration, instead of swearing, being rude or patronising - take note Gordon Ramsay, Marco Pierre Whtie and Jamie Oliver.

I now see where Andy Gray and Richard Keys have picked up some of their lovely attitude towards women.

They've been hanging out with gypsies, who share their pre-historic views. The men featured on this week's episode of Big Fat Gypsy Weddings certainly behaved like cavemen, grabbing girls they fancied and forceably dragging them off.

One, like Keys, referred to girls in general as 'it'. "You've got to beat it," he declared, while talking about how to get a kiss from an unwilling recipient during the oh-so-romantic practice of 'grabbing'.

It was disturbing to watch girls screaming as they were manhandled, while everyone else just stood around and watched.

When asked if they respected women, the traveller men said 'Yes, of course'. But when asked if they respected them in the same way as men, the firm answer was no.

Maybe they respect them if they get their caravans clean (what was the OCD obsession with cleaning?), but that's about it.

Views Gray and Keys would wholeheartedly agree with, no doubt.