January 2011 Archives

Some things that occurred to me while watching the National Television Awards.

* Shaun Ryder should stick to reality shows because he's not the world's best singer. Stacey Solomon, on the other hand, is sweetly hilarious and should be on TV far more, and not just singing.

* By all means get someone who's been in the news to present an award, but it might be a good idea if they can speak English.

* Matt Di Angelo has a talent for stand-up comedy.

* Waterloo Road is not the best drama on telly. It's not even the fourth best drama on telly. How could Sherlock not win?

* Having Ann Widdecombe present an award to Jeremy Clarkson, who's about three foot taller, is visually amusing.

* The best acceptance speech came from the X Factor producer who's beaten cancer. "It's brilliant to be alive," she said, kind of putting everything else into perspective.

* I liked all the lovely frocks, though half of Cheryl Cole's appeared to be missing and the rest held together with tape. You'd think the men might have taken the trouble to dress up too. Some did, but scruffy Clarkson, Jim Carter and Steve McFadden didn't bother with ties.

* Bruce Forsyth deserves a lifetime achievement award for still being around. But don't be too gushing in your admiration, eh? "Producers know he can cope with any eventuality on a live show," fawned Stephen Fry. Except reading from an autocue and not saying stupid things on Strictly, perhaps.

Do you know what's missing from my wardrobe? A dress covered in fairy lights that glows in the dark!

I really want one having seen it on Big Fat Gypsy Weddings. Though I'm not sure if I want someone following me round with a fire extinguisher in case I burst into flames.

Bride Sam actually looked rather sweet in her wedding outfit, certainly compared with last week's 'no front' dress and compared with her own non-traveller mother, who made the gypsies look really sophisticated.

You can read my thoughts on the first episode of this amazing Channel 4 series here.

As for the most recent episode, I felt rather sorry for the gypsies whose homes were being bulldozed. Would councils be allowed to treat other ethnic minorities in this way?

Teenage bridesmaids dressing like strippers is one thing, but six-year-olds with spray tans wearing hardly anything and dancing provocatively was far more disturbing.

This series is doing really well in the ratings as we just can't get enough of their astonishing outfits and customs. I think we should have more traveller shows in the schedules - how about Brtain's Got Gypsies, Come Dine With Gypsies or Gypsy Swap?

And we should get Phil and Kirstie in to help the ones whose homes have been demolished in a special edition of Gypsy Relocation.

Two things immediately struck me while watching the first of the new Channel 4 show 10 O'Clock Live.

Firstly, what on earth has Charlie Brooker done to his hair? And secondly, thank goodness for David Mitchell.

Charlie's hair, which was incredibly distracting whenever he was on screen, was extraordinary. Getting dangerously into Donald Trump territory, he had managed to turn his quiff-like fringe into a shelf so big it could have sheltered him from the rain.
And he's sort-of growing a beard. Sort yourself out, mate!

At least they could rely on David Mitchell, by far the best of the four presenters. He managed to conduct smart and funny debates about the banking system and student fees, in which he actually listened to what people were saying (unlike JImmy Carr) and came back with intelligent and witty points.

Lauren Laverne can be funny but she was completely wasted here. And for a show that has 'live' in the title, rather too much of it was pre-recorded.

Image via Wikipedia

Jane Lynch has said her Glee character Sue Sylvester is inspired by X Factor judge Simon Cowell.

The actress said that she thinks her alter-ego, famous for her cutting put-downs, would make a great panellist on the TV talent show.

She said: "I think Sue Sylvester has British in her. I think the US look at the British as a race that tells it how it is.

"And if ever there was a guy who tells it like it is, then it's Simon Cowell. You could definitely look at Sue and say there's a lot of Simon in her."

Just where is Coronation Street going with the ridiculous John Stape storyline? And how many more people will he unwittingly kill before he's stopped?

The ludicrous web of lies that this character has woven around himself defies belief. It may not be as offensive as EastEnders' shocking baby-swap storyline, but it is as ill-considered and silly.

John is the English teacher who went to prison for kidnapping Rosie - perhaps understandable.

His bizarre life of crime continued when he decided to impersonate another teacher, Colin Fishwick, who was leaving the country, so he could teach again. You have to admire his devotion to education - Britain's schools could do with a few more with his commitment - but I think he might have taken his love of literature a touch too far.

The storyline began to veer wildly off course when Colin Fishwick returned from Canada and dropped dead in John's house, leading him and Charlotte to bury the body.

When Charlotte started blackmailing him, he pretended to be her boyfriend. Then found himself killing her with a hammer when she got angry.

Daft scenes followed when he pretended to be her boyfriend Colin at her funeral and to her grieving parents.

But then this week things got really silly when he found himself with yet another dead body, after helping Colin's mother Joy meet her maker.

One body might be excused, but three? A little careless.

He could easily have just rung for an ambulance, but instead he scarpered and then returned to cover his tracks, making up more lies about delivering a parcel.

It's the tone of these farcical scenes which I'm not too happy about. These are deaths we're dealing with, yet Corrie seems to be treating the whole thing like a comedy.

I guess it was quite funny when Joy Fishwick said: "You buried my son under a knicker factory!" and John replied: "It sounds worse than it is."

I just don't know how they can end this tale but I hope it happens soon.

What a long drawn out affair the opening night of Dancing On Ice turned out to be - and we've only seen half of them perform!

The main two-hour show was fairly entertaining, but the results show was ridiculously stretched out to 45 minutes.

They pointlessly made the bottom three contestants skate the same routines all over again. Normally this would be the moment when the judges step in to save the most talented skater, even if they're not the most popular.

That makes sense, but making them perform again just for more viewer votes was dull and unnecessary when the public had already spoken.
The reason for it could only be financial, to raise more money from overpriced phone lines.

Shame on you, ITV!

And we've got to sit through the same gubbins again next week when the next eight perform.

I felt sorry for Angela Rippon and particularly Nadia Sawalha, who had trained so hard for three months only to be cruelly booted off on the first show.

The surprise of the night was Kerry Katona, who did rather well. She's taken some terrible decisions over the years, but agreeing to take part in Dancing On Ice and focus on one thing - making her daughters proud - may well be the best move she's ever made.

We laughed when Alan Partridge came up with some barmy ideas for TV programmes.

Wildly throwing ideas out to a BBC boss, he suggested Monkey Tennis, A Partridge Among The Pigeons (Alan standing in Trafalgar Square) and Youth Hostelling With Chris Eubank.

But I increasingly worry that this is just how TV companies devise new programmes.

The most important thing is to come up with a snappy title and then fit the show around that.

The latest example is Rome Wasn't Built In A Day, starting on Channel 4 on January 20.

I wonder if you can guess what that's about?

Correct!

Six builders try to reconstruct a Roman villa.

At least it's not some kind of game show where they try to do it in a day, just to prove the title wrong.

But I wouldn't rule out that being made at some point...

EastEnders actress Samantha Womack is leaving EastEnders over the cot death baby swap storyline.

My first thought was well done to her for having the courage of her convictions and for registering her protest at what I have always said was a ridiculous and unnecessarily shocking storyline.

Then my second thought was, if she really felt so strongly about it, she would have refused to do it and left the show earlier. Apparently she was persuaded to stay, but surely they couldn't force her to do a story she knew would upset so many viewers, including herself?

Of course we don't know what really went on behind the scenes. But when she says she found filming these heartbreaking episodes incredibly difficult, I can't help thinking she has only herself to blame.

I was very saddened to hear of the premature death of Pete Postlethwaite, one of Britain's finest talents.

You'll no doubt have read all the tributes and the quote from Steven Spielberg that he was "probably the best actor in the world today".

It was typical of unassuming Pete that he replied: "I'm sure what Spielberg actually said was, 'The thing about Pete is that he thinks he's the best actor in the world'."

I had the pleasure of meeting him a couple of times and found him friendly, funny and, most of all, incredibly down to earth.

He didn't put on any diva airs and graces, despite his immense talent. He preferred to shy away from the spotlight by living on the beautiful Long Mynd in Shropshire and saying "I'm not mad on London".

His name might have been a tongue-twister, but he smiled: "My agent wanted me to change my name, so I changed my agent instead."

It's a crime that he never received an Oscar. He shone in whatever film he was in - even pretty rubbish ones like Clash of the Ttans, Solomon Kane, Dark Water and Aeon Flux.

And he was brilliant in In The Name of the Father, Brassed Off and The Usual Suspects.

He was a prolific worker and continued making films while receiving cancer treatment.

He could have had another 20 years of great roles. He'll be sadly missed.