May 2010 Archives

I was eating my tea while watching Britain's Got Talent. Big mistake. Mainly because regurgitator Stevie Starr was so nauseating.

But although it wasn't an easy act to watch, he was astonishing and completely compelling, and had a real talent, of sorts. So I reckon he should have gone through the final, rather than slightly dull Tobias.

Spelbound (do you think their misspelling is ironic or do you think they really can't spell?) deserved to win, and I'm just glad that the man cutting kindling didn't get through.

I have no idea how he managed to be in the semi-finals with his dying 'art'. How is that an art? I'm with Simon Cowell on that. And what was Piers waffling on about, saying millions of Britons cut wood every weekend? What planet is he on?

I also had to agree with Simon (this is a worrying trend) on Kevin Cruise. I like a bit of camp and he's a nice bloke, but his act was, literally, pants.
And how could gushing Amanda not hear that Josh Barry was flat?

The whole evening was self-indulgent and unnecessarily drawn out. We're being 'treated' to 10 whole hours of BGT this week, which is far too much. Thank goodness for Ant and Dec guiding us through it with their wit and fun. No one does live TV better than them.

I still like you, Gok Wan, but I worry that over-exposure means you're beginning to lose your touch.

Gok's Fashion Fix is back - yes, even though it's only been a few weeks since he was last on telly - and he was visiting West Bromwich, the town that fashion forgot. His words, not mine.

I really hope he's not turning into annoying Trinny and Susannah, but he is copying their habit of classing people by body shapes and grabbing their boobs.

There's also a touch of David Dickinson creeping in, with his 'cheap as chips' comment.

Thank Gok - one of many Gok puns we were treated to, including Gok shock therapy - that he still has the odd witty put down.

But I worry he's lost it a little. He picked Mandy as the worst-dressed woman in West Brom - who wants to be like Cheryl Cole but is more like Vicky Pollard - and put her in a dress which really didn't suit her.

Sure, she had to get away from dressing her like a 13-year-old boy, but she was clearly uncomfortable in a dress that was far too tight and short, which she kept hoiking up.

And I have to say his 'global traveller' look was a mad mess of clashing clothes and patterns, a ludicrous outfit which no sane person would actually wear out. And certainly not in West Brom.

Fonejacker is arguably one of the funniest things I have seen in years.

Remarkably fresh, unique and hilarious considering it revolved around the age old drunken student jape of crank phone calls.

It's rare the tv makes me laugh so heavily but Fonejacker did it.

I was horrified at the announcement of Facejacker by the same people.

It had hell written all over it. Cash-in hell.

Luckily I was wrong, it may not have the uniqueness off it's predecessor but it is extremely funny.

Kayvan Novak once again targets the general public but this time disguised.

All the old favourites are back such as the legendary Terry Tibbs, Mr Doovd and Augustus Kwmbe but there are also some great new additions to the stable.

These are very easy laughs, very silly sketches and just downright daftness delivered in some style.

Kayvan Novak's azbility to add lib and deliver under pressure are really commendable.

This is a superb addition to any DVD collection!

My favourite two shows in recent times are ending within the next fortnight and I genuinely feel like I will have to go into mourning.

Over the last half-a-decade Ashes To Ashes/Life On Mars and Lost have kept me entertained through thick and thin.

Gene Hunt and pals have made me spit tea out and cry with laughter and Lost has had me counting down the days for the next gripping installments.

Both are genius in their own rights. Nostalgia and laughs on one and mystery and suspense in the other.

Superbly written, excellently cast and brilliantly acted.

I genuinely will be very sad when they finish...

Maybe a spin-off? Gene Hunt and Alex Drake on the Lost Island?

Sarah Jessica parker has revealed she never gets bored of her glamorous alter-ego Carrie Bradshaw.

In Sex And The City 2, the 45-year-old reprises her role as the New York columnist, a character whom she started portraying in the TV series in 1998.

"I don't feel like Carrie, my life is so different, my choices are different - which is probably why it works so well, because if she felt familiar to me, I would have bored of playing her a long time ago," she said.

"I love her, I love playing her and everything about her - the good, the flawed, the mistakes, the bad choices."

Be afraid, be very afraid. The contestants on Junior Apprentice are so much more scary than the adult ones.

It's great to have this series back, even if Suralan (sorry, Lord Sugar doesn't sound right) is a bit less harsh on these 16 and 17-year-olds.

I don't know why, as I'm sure they can take the criticism. Most of them are frighteningly confident, like deep-voiced Jordan who runs his own company and is incredibly bossy.

Most scarily self-assured is Zoe, who makes faces or sarcastic comments when other people make suggestions or shout them down if they try to muscle in on her sales pitch.

She even reduced a team mate to tears, at which point she gave her the most insincere hug ever.

Even Nick Hewer seemed slightly terrified of "all her remarkable charms".

Karren Brady is good but I miss Margaret's raised eyebrow. She could say so much with only a look and I'm sure she'd have cut Zoe down to size.

So what was it that was so important that it - shock, horror - replaced EastEnders on BBC1?

The historical arrival of the first coalition government for 70 years, of course.

Fair enough, this was exciting stuff. Well, exciting in parts, when something actually happened. In between those briefly thrilling moments, we had endless shots of poor reporters standing outside buildings, having to fill time by speculating on what might be taking place inside.

Nicholas Witchell was particularly amusing at Buckingham Palace, telling us how the Queen would no doubt want to have a lengthy chat with Gordon Brown after he resigned.

Just then, Gordon reappeared and he was forced to eat his words and completely change tack.

We were also treated to lots of aerial shots of cars getting stuck in London traffic, which got a bit boring after a while, though I liked the views of Downing Street and the Houses of Parliament.

Let's hope normal TV service can now be resumed and all these cold and exhausted reporters can have a much-needed lie down.

Scott Caan can't wait for TV fans to check out the Hawaii 5-O remake.

"I'm very excited, I can't say anymore or I'll get in trouble," the actor laughed, at the Hollywood premiere of his new movie Mercy, which he wrote and also stars in alongside his dad JAMES CAAN.

Scott revealed his dad isn't afraid to tell him if he doesn't like any of the scripts he writes.

"He's honest with me and he tells me really what he thinks of the things I write. He's told me 'I hate this', but this one he really liked immediately and said 'I'd love it' and would play any part," he said.

Just how stupid is Robin Gibb? His dire performance on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? last night would be laughable, if he hadn't lost his charity thousands of pounds.

The Bee Gee joined DJ Mike Read in the quiz hot seat and looked uncomfortable from the off, perhaps realising his doleful lack of general knowledge was about to be exposed.

He got absolutely every question wrong, even the easy £500 starter. When asked which nationality put towels down to reserve sunbeds, he was going to go for Japanese!

He also had to be talked out of declaring that 'utility', 'toy' and 'working' applied to horses, not dogs.

At least Mike (sporting dodgy hair which didn't look a bit real) knew those answers, but then he began to show his ignorance too. He really had no reason to look so smug.

They had to ask the audience who SJP was, and even when told it was Sarah Jessica Parker they still looked bemused. They had to phone John Inverdale to find out who won last year's FA Cup - even though Mike admitted he'd watched the game.

John helped them to £10,000, at which point they seemed to lose their empty minds. They were given a music question, surely their bag, but they didn't know that Nick Baines and Simon Rix were members of Kaiser Chiefs.

Admittedly, neither did I, but I'd have still had several lifelines to use by this stage - and I haven't written several books about music, had millions of hits and worked as a DJ. Shame on you two for suddenly throwing almost all your winnings away on Keane!

"We still feel good," chirped Robin. Really? You should just feel embarrassed, matey.

Olivia Newton John had "a blast" when she guest-starred on Glee.

The Australian singer appears on Glee, to be shown in the US this week, belting out her classic hits.

"I had a blast, of course - they invited me on to play an obnoxious version of myself," the Grease star told OKmagazine.com.

Olivia will cameo as herself in the forthcoming episode, as she teams up with Jane Lynch, who plays cheerleader coach Sue Sylvester, to sing Physical.

She said: "They copied the exact look of the video. It was a laugh. We had such a good time."