Halfwit lives up to his name in snore-bore Big Brother

Zzzzzz....excuse me while I nod off. I've just tuned in to Big Brother for the first time in a few days, and wondered why I bothered.

Hardly anything happened. Even the task was boring, dressing them up as dancing flowers. Make them suffer more! Bring back the electric shocks!

The housemates need something to liven them up. About the only character worth commenting on is posh Freddie, who, despite his Oxbridge education, is living up to his new name of Halfwit.

He's forever going on about how clever he is, but he didn't have the sense to realise he was the victim of a lame practical joke when he hid by his bed for a whole 31 minutes in a one-sided game of Hide and Seek.

Though he tried to claim he knew exactly what was going on and had turned it into a "win-win" situation.

Eh? That makes as much sense as describing arguments in the house as "cleansing healthy debate". No wonder he wants to be a politician, though by saying "I don't mind if people don't take me seriously" he clearly models himself on Boris Johnson.

"I want to make politics cool, sexy and fun," says the man who's neither cool nor sexy, or, indeed, much fun. Good luck with that!