Shoot me now.... Please.

There are times, like tonight, when I think we'll really miss Jonathan Ross when he leaves the BBC.

He was on top form on his chat show, helped by good guests who joined in the fun.

Lorraine Kelly jiggling around on an exercise machine was one of the funniest moments of the week. She can be too cheesy on GMTV when she says everything is lovely, but underneath she's a great, game girl who admits to eating a whole packet of biscuits. Or cramming a whole Terry's Chocolate Orange in her mouth.

Shahrukh Khan was entertaining too, and normally I hate seeing John Barrowman everywhere, but Wossy made his appearance on the sofa bearable by puncturing his ego.

He pointed out how Barrowman hates the spotlight not being on him all the time and called him Woody Woodpecker after his odd laugh.
Shame he let him sing, though even then Jonathan wouldn't let him get too big for his boots, by invading the stage in fancy dress and shaking maracas.

Keep it up Wossy, let's make your last series one to remember!

See how long it takes you to scream....

Jedward have said they'd love to star in the Harry Potter films.

John and Edward Grimes, who found fame through The X Factor, would love nothing more than to appear in the film franchise.

"We love Harry Potter, we can't wait to do all this stuff... Can you imagine us as wizards?" they said on Live From Studio Five.

The twins' quiffs have risen to new heights, garnering more attention than they ever thought possible.

Asked if they would shave their hair off to get to No 1, John said: "We'd give everything a try," but Edward was quick to disagree: "I don't think so!"

The only magic that Telly Talk wants to see associated with Jedward is them disappearing in a poof of smoke!

Ok, well not official.

But it's blatantly obvious.

A few weeks back I slammed Dev Alahan as the most pointless character in soap.

Now after me slating him for never having a storyline the scriptwriters have engineered the return of his ex-wife Sunita.

Hopefully we will now see them sail off into the sunset never to be seen again.

Enough is enough now.

Despite this being a hit with the viewing figures and getting a stupid amount of column inches in the tabloids. Really - it was turgid tripe, yes?

Quote of the week from Davina McCall: "Four men mooing and oinking and neighing at me was weird. I never thought they'd be scared of a chicken."

Putting Davina into the Celebrity Big Brother house was a genius idea, but they didn't exploit its potential. True, the bit where she was laughing with Stephanie was great, but all that pointless running around the house while the bemused housemates, who'd already guessed she wasn't Nicola, looked on was just silly.

She should have revealed herself much sooner, and she should have stayed in the house much longer. Why leave as soon as she was unmasked, before even any conversation? Why not live there for a couple of days until the final?

Talking of which, who do you think's going to win? Alex is the hot favourite, much to my surprise, but then I had no idea Ulrika would win last year.

He has made a success of his time in the house, up to a point. He's shown that he is, on the whole, a nice bloke. But he's also proved he's rather stupid and gullible - all that stuff with Stephen Baldwin when he became his disciple was cringe-making, as was his adoration of Vinnie Jones. Plus he's been economical with the truth, going on about how manipulative the media is when he's sold stories and done his best to become famous.

So I rather hope he doesn't win. I'd like brilliantly snobby but very funny Stephanie or Dane - who's turned out to be intelligent and decent - to triumph, please.

I'm not usually in the habit of promoting other people's blogs, but this one, about Peter Andre's ridiculous demands, is brilliant.

The 3am girls are absolutely right not to give in to the outrageous requests of Peter's people, who are insisting on full copy approval for a puff piece about Costa Coffee.
To suggest they couldn't talk to him or write about anything else but coffee is naive but a sign of the worrying direction in which showbiz PR is going.

We're quite prepared to play the game and give whatever product the celeb is promoting a plug, but they have to play ball too and give us something decent to write about, otherwise it just becomes an advert - and they can pay for that.

We're not prepared to bend over backwards and forget any semblance of journalistic integrity to get interviews with stars, especially ones that aren't really that famous or talented.

It often seems the tightest rules surround Z-list 'celebs' . Those higher up the ladder are more relaxed about their position and don't feel the need to employ bully-boy PRs who make silly demands.

Having met Peter, I know he's a nice bloke, so he should take a good look at his management and consider whether they're really good representatives, or whether he's shooting himself in the foot.

They might as well rename it the National Television X Factor Awards.

The ITV show took over the NTAs tonight, from host Dermot O'Leary to frequent shots of Simon Cowell, and from Jedward performing to Joe McElderry singing AND giving out an award. They even used the X Factor voiceover man, and of course the show was named best talent show.

But I still enjoyed tonight's show. Dermot was a breath of fresh air, not as polished as Stephen Fry or Jonathan Ross but so much more fun than staid Sir Trevor. He was even quite amusing with his jokes.

On the whole, the great British public did well with their choices. I'm really pleased Gavin & Stacey won Best Comedy, they deserved it - and Harry Hill's won quite enough.
As have Ant and Dec, though it didn't stop them picking up yet more gongs.

Lacey Turner and especially Craig Gazey were top choices. I loved the Corrie actor winning Best Newcomer - "I couldn't win a tombola before I joined the show" - and it was a nice touch dedicating his award to Maggie Jones.
It was only right that Corrie won best soap, it's been much better than EastEnders lately.

I don't wish any harm on the Dancing On Ice contestants, but....

I'm sorry lovely Jeremy Sheffield pulled his hamstring, but if it means we get to see more celebs lying near-naked on the physiotherapist's table, it can only be a good thing.

Though if they are going to strip off, it's probably best Bobby Davro has gone.