BBC health and safety rules were branded "absurd" today after an intrepid explorer and a round-the-world sailor were not trusted to light a camping stove.

While filming an adventure show for the corporation, Sir Ranulph Fiennes and Sir Robin Knox-Johnston were stopped from firing up the stove unsupervised in case they had an accident, it was claimed.

Sir Ranulph, Sir Robin and war reporter John Simpson, who featured alongside them, were said to have been taken aback by the corporation's strict regulations while filming BBC 2 series Top Dogs.

They were given a "huge" document warning them about hazards such as tripping over while filming in Afghanistan, Cape Horn and the Canadian Arctic, Sir Robin said.

He told the Daily Mail: "Ran and I were told we could not light a Primus stove unless we were supervised. So that's the kind of nonsense you get.

"This young man came in and said he was going to supervise and we told him to clear off. Or words to that effect."

Sir Robin, who was was the first man to sail single-handed and non-stop around the globe, added: "It was just absurd. What do you think we cook on in boats?"

A Government-backed teacher training scheme suggests that teachers should "high-five" failing students to improve their exam results.

Establishing a good personal relationship with pupils is necessary for teachers to develop a mutual respect in the classrooms of struggling inner-city schools, a speaker from Future Leaders told a teacher training scheme.

Sir Iain Hall, Future Leaders' national director of training, said: "When your children come into the classroom, how do you greet them?

"Whether it is a high-five, it is touching a child's hand, it is shaking their hands - we teach our Future Leaders to stand at the classroom door and greet every kid who comes through it.

"It's about establishing positive relationships all the time, shaking the hands of kids that go past, giving those high-fives."

Nick Seaton, chairman of the Campaign for Real Education, was not convinced Sir Iain's methods would work in UK schools.

He said: "Teachers will become figures of ridicule - pupils hate it when their teachers try to be young. It's the pupils who should try to be like the teachers.

"To establish discipline in schools, teachers shouldn't reward normal behaviour, they should punish bad behaviour so pupils understand the concept of consequence.

"There's a cultural difference between the UK and America and I don't think they have a great deal to teach us in this particular area."

SANTA has been sacked by his scrooge bosses - for answering his mobile phone in the grotto.

Hapless Father Christmas, otherwise known as Mike O'Donagh, 53, was sacked from his jovial job at Chelmsley Wood shopping centre.

Because he answered a call from the Jobcentre about his benefits.

The dad-of-two, of Moseley, Birmingham, has now been left jobless in the run-up to the festive season.

Poor Mike insists he was only answering his phone because it was a vital call about his dole money.

"I can't believe how Scrooge-like they've been," he said.

SECURITY guards have kicked three elderly British Legion poppy selllers out of a shopping centre.

World War Two Royal Navy veteran Leslie Downard, 80, his wife Phyllis, 76, and former TA soldier Joan Anderson, 78, were shaken when confronted by the guards.

They claimed, falsely, the three only had the right to collect in the Eden Centre, in High Wycombe, Bucks, for four days and not the 14 they intended.

Nick Warren, marketing manager for the centre, said the ban was imposed because the guards did not think the sellers had charity licences to operate for two weeks.
He said: "It was a complete misunderstanding. I can only apologise."

BARMY Midlands council chiefs are giving tips on playing squash - to the blind.

New health and safety signs have been installed inside Halesowen Leisure Centre at a cost of £5,300 to help centre-users find their way around.

The wording is written in Braille, and appears in the squash courts area, where advice is given on acceptable sports shoes and on-court safety.

Dudley Council, which owns the leisure centre, defended the decision to give tips to non-existent blind squash players.

As well as Braille signs indicating the location of the squash courts, there are notices on the doors saying that black-soled shoes must not be worn on the courts to stop the wooden floors becoming marked.

They also say: "Knock and wait" - to prevent people walking on to court when a match is in progress, which would be extremely dangerous.

A new politically-correct language guide tells council staff not to use the phrase "man on the street" - in case it causes offence to women.

The term is based on the assumption that the world is male, according to the booklet which suggests "general public" as an alternative.

But Chichester District Council's advice - which also says "manning the switchboard" and calling women "ladies" or "girls" is sexist - has been deemed "stupid" by a local parish chairman.

Tony Colpoys, of Ebernoe, West Sussex, said: "It really gets my goat. Nobody believes 'man on the street' refers solely to men. This is just another example of repulsive political correctness."

Organisers of the River Rother raft race have vowed not to let health and safety red tape strangle this year's charity event.

The race has been run for 26 years over a four-mile course from Cowdray Ruins, Midhurst, on the Sunday of the August bank holiday weekend.

Its records show that a wasp sting has been the only incident ever requiring hospital treatment.

But the event is now threatened by a string of health and safety requirements.

Robin Shapland, who has been organising the charity race for the past 16 years, declared: "After 26 years of the race which, as its record shows, we always do all we can to make safe, I find this a bit much.

"Where events have a capacity of 500 people, an event safety plan is now required. But we don't get anything like 500 competitors and at the start and finish we might get 300 people.

"How do we know how many spectators there might be when anyone who is in the area might decide to go and take a look at what is going on somewhere along four miles of the river? There may be 500 people, but they are all spread out."

The race is being run this year to raise money for three main charities - Macmillan Cancer Support, the Rosemary Foundation and Chestnut Tree Hospice for Children. Small donations are also given to local charities. Last year's race raised £10,800 for the chosen good causes.

The health and safety guidelines Mr Shapland has to work to include 'a hierarchical structure of safety responsibility', an emergency plan, a communications plan, and an event risk assessment which he does not have the experience to carry out.

The hierarchical structure should be interesting because he runs the race with his pal - so that's all of two people to pass the buck between.

"Also, someone usually lends us a generator to power the public address system at the start, but now we can't have one unless it has a safety certificate. To get that we are going to have to hire a generator which will cost about £50 and that's money that could have gone to charity."

* Robin would be delighted to hear from anyone with experience in completing risk assessments who would be prepared to help him out of the dilemma. Call him on 07850 309955.

Humberside Police has been criticised for taking officers off frontline duties in a crime-ridden neighbourhood to send them on ... sex-change training.

The move is in response to one of their colleagues undergoing treatment to change from a 42-year-old married man into a woman called Lauren.

Senior officers say it constitutes "political correctness gone mad" to have staff on anti-discrimination training when they could be out on the beat.

Some 510 staff , including 344 police officers, working for Humberside Police in North East Lincolnshire received a letter from the chief superintendent saying they had to attend the half-day training course to help PC Lauren's transition.

The training is likely to cost thousands of pounds but could help to protect the force from a potentially embarrassing lawsuit if PC Lauren were to experience discrimination.

Kevin Sharp explained in his letter that she suffered from gender identity dysphoria, which left her feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body.

"As from today, Lauren starts her new life and over the next few weeks you will receive awareness training during which you will be able to read a personal letter from Lauren," he said.

Humberside Police's A Division covers Grimsby and the surrounding area in North-East Lincolnshire, which according to the force website suffers from a "disproportionately high level of crime and disorder".

Nearly 30 per cent of residents live in 10 per cent of the most deprived boroughs in England, and last year police recorded in excess of 27,000 crimes there - a third more than the average.

A museum has reversed its decision to cover up its Egyptian mummies in response to public opinion.

Manchester Museum covered up three unwrapped mummies on display, sparking accusations of political correctness, two months ago.

The cover-up was part of a consultation on how the mummies will be displayed when the museum's ancient Egypt gallery is redeveloped.

Nick Merriman, museum director, now says one of the mummies will be left partially unwrapped in its original display state, while another will be partially covered, leaving its head, hands and feet exposed.

The decision to reveal more of the mummies came following a meeting of the Museum's Human Remains Panel.

A museum spokeswoman said further onsultation will run for 12 months and a number of different display methods will be tried.

Not often that we can bring you news of victory.

But at last the clowns at the European Commission have voted to scrap the nonsense laws that dictate the exact shape, colour and size of our vegetables.

Our cucumbers will once more be curvy, our carrots rough and bananas bendier.

Worried by the credit crunch, high price of food and unnecessary wastage, EC bosses are set to reform the loopy legislation.

In case you forgot, here's one they made earlier:

"The thickness of the transverse section of the banana between the lateral faces and the middle, perpendicular to the longitudinal axis must be a minimum of 27mm ..."

Bananas!