Organisers of the River Rother raft race have vowed not to let health and safety red tape strangle this year's charity event.

The race has been run for 26 years over a four-mile course from Cowdray Ruins, Midhurst, on the Sunday of the August bank holiday weekend.

Its records show that a wasp sting has been the only incident ever requiring hospital treatment.

But the event is now threatened by a string of health and safety requirements.

Robin Shapland, who has been organising the charity race for the past 16 years, declared: "After 26 years of the race which, as its record shows, we always do all we can to make safe, I find this a bit much.

"Where events have a capacity of 500 people, an event safety plan is now required. But we don't get anything like 500 competitors and at the start and finish we might get 300 people.

"How do we know how many spectators there might be when anyone who is in the area might decide to go and take a look at what is going on somewhere along four miles of the river? There may be 500 people, but they are all spread out."

The race is being run this year to raise money for three main charities - Macmillan Cancer Support, the Rosemary Foundation and Chestnut Tree Hospice for Children. Small donations are also given to local charities. Last year's race raised £10,800 for the chosen good causes.

The health and safety guidelines Mr Shapland has to work to include 'a hierarchical structure of safety responsibility', an emergency plan, a communications plan, and an event risk assessment which he does not have the experience to carry out.

The hierarchical structure should be interesting because he runs the race with his pal - so that's all of two people to pass the buck between.

"Also, someone usually lends us a generator to power the public address system at the start, but now we can't have one unless it has a safety certificate. To get that we are going to have to hire a generator which will cost about £50 and that's money that could have gone to charity."

* Robin would be delighted to hear from anyone with experience in completing risk assessments who would be prepared to help him out of the dilemma. Call him on 07850 309955.

Humberside Police has been criticised for taking officers off frontline duties in a crime-ridden neighbourhood to send them on ... sex-change training.

The move is in response to one of their colleagues undergoing treatment to change from a 42-year-old married man into a woman called Lauren.

Senior officers say it constitutes "political correctness gone mad" to have staff on anti-discrimination training when they could be out on the beat.

Some 510 staff , including 344 police officers, working for Humberside Police in North East Lincolnshire received a letter from the chief superintendent saying they had to attend the half-day training course to help PC Lauren's transition.

The training is likely to cost thousands of pounds but could help to protect the force from a potentially embarrassing lawsuit if PC Lauren were to experience discrimination.

Kevin Sharp explained in his letter that she suffered from gender identity dysphoria, which left her feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body.

"As from today, Lauren starts her new life and over the next few weeks you will receive awareness training during which you will be able to read a personal letter from Lauren," he said.

Humberside Police's A Division covers Grimsby and the surrounding area in North-East Lincolnshire, which according to the force website suffers from a "disproportionately high level of crime and disorder".

Nearly 30 per cent of residents live in 10 per cent of the most deprived boroughs in England, and last year police recorded in excess of 27,000 crimes there - a third more than the average.

A museum has reversed its decision to cover up its Egyptian mummies in response to public opinion.

Manchester Museum covered up three unwrapped mummies on display, sparking accusations of political correctness, two months ago.

The cover-up was part of a consultation on how the mummies will be displayed when the museum's ancient Egypt gallery is redeveloped.

Nick Merriman, museum director, now says one of the mummies will be left partially unwrapped in its original display state, while another will be partially covered, leaving its head, hands and feet exposed.

The decision to reveal more of the mummies came following a meeting of the Museum's Human Remains Panel.

A museum spokeswoman said further onsultation will run for 12 months and a number of different display methods will be tried.

Not often that we can bring you news of victory.

But at last the clowns at the European Commission have voted to scrap the nonsense laws that dictate the exact shape, colour and size of our vegetables.

Our cucumbers will once more be curvy, our carrots rough and bananas bendier.

Worried by the credit crunch, high price of food and unnecessary wastage, EC bosses are set to reform the loopy legislation.

In case you forgot, here's one they made earlier:

"The thickness of the transverse section of the banana between the lateral faces and the middle, perpendicular to the longitudinal axis must be a minimum of 27mm ..."

Bananas!

I see they're planning to repeal the old laws that prohibit lunatics and idiots standing for parliament.

The law describes lunatics as people "only capable of periods of lucidity" and idiots as those "incapable of gaining reason".

Well, those laws have done a fat lot of good, then.

Seems to me that Parliament is filled with the very people the legislation sought to ban.

The use of the word "chav" shows a deep hatred of the working class and should be stamped out, according to a politically correct think-tank.

Tom Hampson, editorial director of the Fabian Society, says that the word is "sneering and patronising" but more and more widely used.

He has called on broadcasters to take class discrimination seriously, and compares 'chav' to terms of abuse such as "faggot" and "pikey".

In an article to be published in the Fabian Review, Mr Hampson says: "Some uses of some words fall below the threshold of acceptability and some are definitely above it.

"'Chav' is way above that threshold.

"It is deeply offensive to a largely voiceless group and - especially when used in normal middle-class conversation or on national TV - it betrays a deep and revealing level of class hatred."

He continues: "It is sneering and patronising and - perhaps most dangerous - it is distancing, turning the 'chav' into the kind of feral beast that exists only in tabloid headlines."

So that's that then, innit?

Gay gamers are pink with rage after Microsoft banned camp nicknames from its Xbox multiplayer service.

Censors have told users of its Xbox LIVE subscription service that names or tags with the word "gay" in them are no longer allowed, in case they cause offence.

The ban also covers straight people with the word "gay" in their surname.

Software engineer Richard Gaywood, 30, was told his name broke rules concerning "sexual innuendo" and was ordered to choose another tag.

Police sniffer dogs will soon have to wear bootees when searching the homes of Muslims, so as not to cause offence.

The Association of Chief Police Officers is drawing up politically-correct pooch guidelines because of increasing religious sensitivities.

It means that the specially trained sniffer dogs must boot up before searching for drugs and explosives.

Last week Tayside Police had to apologise after a Muslim councillor objected to a crime prevention poster featuring a German shepherd puppy.

In Islamic law although dogs are not regarded as impure, their saliva is.

FRONT line cops in the Midlands are being given health and safety tips on how to batter down doors.

The advice has bemused experienced police officers, who say the technique is simple: hit 'em as hard as you can.

But health and safety penpushers with West Midlands Police, who never go on raids, beg to differ.

They have drawn up a list of tips for the task, calling for cops to "deploy dynamic risk assessments and consider the safety of themselves and others" before breaking down doors.

The health and safety guidelines also encourage officers to use arm guards, mitts, helmets, strong boots, protective vests, shin guards, thigh protectors and genital protective boxes ('for male users').

HEREFORD Art Gallery has strict rules for anyone hoping to exhibit their paintings.

"Frames often come with a hanging device to which cord can be attached," health and safety guidelines point out.

"It is a simple process to unclip and reverse these so that they project beyond the outer edge of the frame.

"Clip frames will not to be accepted as they create a health and safety hazard."

It follows controversy in Reading, where artists were told not use glass in their frames in case it fell out on people.