What's it worth?

By Paul Flower on Sep 30, 11 06:13 PM

Since last week's post about my mum on Facebook I've been doing some deeper thinking about identity; I probably shouldn't have bothered.

Perhaps part of my resistance to accepting her as a Facebook friend was to do with my own sense of self. Even at this age there are probably still sides to my character that I wouldn't share with my mum. I think also that everyone's online character is in some way an exaggeration of themselves, it may be real-time but it is not entirely real.

A point I'm continually making to my own children (particularly the eldest) is that everything they post online is public; it can be found and used against them. I'm hyper-sensitive about these things because they've grown up with social media being ever-present and are consequently less-guarded. Meanwhile I'm frequently too cautious and whenever I cross the line and reveal a thought or comment that could be misconstrued I feel the need to cross-examine my thought process.

Notably in posting a recent 'rant' about my football team I latterly wondered if letting my emotions get the better of me was the right image to be exhibiting and if my clear negativity or football-induced depression was the sort of thing I'd expect my clients (some of whom are Facebook friends) to understand.

My children's more open approach to social media is probably the right one to have but until their characters and opinions are fully-formed it worries me - what will they say now that they regret later? I see my paranoia here but I find it hard to shake.

In many respects social media is all about popularity: Facebook is all about accumulating friends - old and new - Twitter is largely about your ability to be re-tweeted a procedure that somehow verifies your wit and self-worth. I tell myself I don't care about these things but I'm signed up to them all, I'm even on Google+ for God's sake, and obviously I'm pleased when someone I respect 'likes' something I've posted. In that sense being yourself is not what you're aiming at, it's being a better version of yourself that you clearly have in mind. Or maybe that's just me?

Although I've never been on their sites I suspect all social media sort of resembles online dating. You want someone to love you, for the dating sites it's strangers you covet (twitter also) and on Facebook it's the 'friends' - some of whom you may not have seen in over thirty years.

A parent can see through all this crap though, they know you - or at least they think they do. Would I really want my mother criticising some of my status updates or poking holes in the façade that I've tried so hard to nurture over the years? It's the online equivalent of your parent making ill-advised jokes in front of your friends, an embarrassment I probably thought I was well beyond.

In truth she probably wouldn't bother but the fact that it crossed my mind is of some concern. Am I really doing things online that I'm bothered about close-family seeing? Is my online profile and my random group of friends so fragile that I'd still be worried (at my age) about what my mother might think? It isn't and I don't but I still haven't added her.