Snapshots from Suburbia III

By Paul Flower on Mar 16, 11 04:05 PM

Friday The kids have got into the dangerous habit of discussing names for the stray. On that basis it'll make it much harder for me to maintain my strict rule that we cannot take another pet in the house. We already have the two cats (Misa & Mr Bitey) and a hamster that no-one really cares for beyond feeding and the occasional cage-clean. It's only the cats who show him any interest; in fact they show him a lot of interest. They're particularly fond of watching him spin on his wheel and run through his tunnel. I get the impression that they'd like him to come out and play.

Friday 16:00 Tonight I'm going to see Blancmange, by accident. They're playing at the O2 Academy after an absence from touring of some 25 years or so. I was never that interested in them originally, though I'm haunted still by the fact that 'Living on the Ceiling' was on constant repeat at the clubs we frequented in the early 80's. I might struggle to name many more of their songs.

The accidental part came as I was given some gig tickets which I consequently offered to a mate. He accepted under the incorrect impression that I was asking him to come along with me, whereas I really wanted him to take them off my hands. Stuff gets complicated sometimes.

It's become even more complicated now, because it's an early gig (Friday/Saturday gigs have to finish by 21.45 due to the club nights) and I've promised to meet the aforementioned mate in New St Station at 18.15. Obviously I got wrapped up in work and have given myself less than 20 minutes to get changed and eat food that hasn't even been cooked yet. The latter being a problem of logistics and co-ordination, and the eldest child swanning off to town straight from school. It has become stressful in the household and my chances of getting a lift to the train station seem to have evaporated. It's going to be tight.

Eventually I make it and we set off to Hurst Street for a few pre-gig beverages. We manage to come up with a few other Blancmange song-titles and the vague recollection of an Abba cover they may or may not have performed. I'm fairly sure this is 'The Day Before You Came' but have no proof of this. After consuming four (or maybe five) drinks and generally setting the world to rights, we head off towards Horsefair where my mate wants to find another pub he last drank in some five years or so ago after a day of drinking at the cricket. He has a vague idea of where it is and what it's called, so we set off in search.

A few streets and five or so minutes later we've seen very few (if any) pubs, but I spot something that looks like one close to the main road. It has a traditional pub name and exterior dÃ©cor, inside it's slightly different. We've wandered into a gay bar which doesn't trouble us greatly and it's very sparsely populated by a generally older clientele. To turn tail and exit would seem rude so we wander to the bar.

Above the optics are some interestingly adorned 'action figures' the trade-marked names of which I shouldn't really mention since they've been 'enhanced' with large plastic phalluses and posed in what you might call compromising positions. It's an interesting choice of dÃ©cor no doubt, and not one you'd find recommended on too many tv home renovation programmes. My mate wanders off in search of the men's room (though they're all essentially men's rooms) whilst I decide to read the rather antiquated scrolling electronic sign behind the bar (beneath the action figures).

The sign tells me that the pub also has a hotel attached; rooms are Â£42.50 a night including breakfast. Not a bad rate for central Birmingham I think. I then go on to read about the 'cruising room' which can apparently get slippy, and people should advise the bar staff of any 'spillages'. I can honestly say that I thought I'd 'lived' but I've never previously been in a bar with a 'cruising room'. Mate returns by which time I need to use the toilet facilities, which are accessed through a plastic-draped-barrier (the like of which I hadn't seen since the seventies) which bears the legend 'men only'. It transpires that the cruising room has to be crossed to reach the toilet, it's not the most romantic setting I've seen - resembling four walls and a concrete floor, very low lighting and three or four blokes standing randomly but separately around the edges.

We leave not long after that 'comfort-break' and decide to have a quick 'recovery' beer in the Wellington which sits atop the subway steps next to the diskery. It's even sparser in there, in fact we're the only people in it but the beer is good and we spend our time talking about Beatles and Beach Boys box sets, anything other than random gay bars.

Heading over to the Academy just after 21.00 we can hear the strains of a Smiths tribute act (The Smyths) in one room and Blancmange above us, it's busier than we'd anticipated and the crowd are very appreciative. Five minutes later - and about one minute after we'd ordered a very expensive pint - Blancmange leave the stage. They return to play one new song and then they're gone again. It's 21.15, we're both clutching virtually full pints and seen them play three songs. They're gone and it's still 30 minutes before curfew. That's another one chalked up to experience - the gig that I hadn't really wanted to go to, and eventually didn't really.