July 2010 Archives

Blame Sting. I'm not one of those people generally known to wantonly ridicule the singer formerly known as Gordon, but that new album of his really conjures up the wrong emotions. Who really, really wants an album of Sting/Police songs rendered in an absurd manner backed by an orchestra?

I'm not even anti-orchestra. I would claim to be one of the few who enjoys Metallica's S&M album, even if it occasionally sounds like the band and the orchestra are playing different songs simultaneously. An orchestra can be effectively used to enhance the sound of any artist and I'm a huge fan of both brass & strings in popular music.

I could be damning Sting without reason; I haven't heard the album after all. I wouldn't lower myself to buy an album called 'Symphonicities' and I definitely wouldn't be caught trying to blag one for free. The shame would be too much. I'm basing my entire justification for hatred on the television ad - 30 seconds of pure embarrassment.

It's been that kind of week, and it's all BP's fault.

I was surprised to see them apparently linked to lobbying for the freedom of the Lockerbie bomber as I hadn't read that anywhere before. I guess when you're having a bad day then everything goes wrong, they've pissed off the Americans so they have to carry the can. Clearly it's fine to ignore the possibility that he was probably innocent and certainly not dying quite as quickly as everyone thought, maybe his health-prognosis was BP's fault too. They probably part-funded the university where his doctors studied via their clinical studies programs so inherently they are to blame.

I travel a lot by train, that's BP's fault of course as the cost of driving is too steep. Ignore the tax or the other oil companies and opec it's BP profiteering. Recently the trains have suffered major delays due to scum who steal the line-side equipment and signalling cables. They probably sell the raw materials to be able to be able to afford petrol, consequently its BP's fault.

Prince is a genius. You may need to remember this at various points so it's probably important that I indicate it from the start. Geniuses (genii?) tend to be mavericks of course, so sometimes their thought-processes don't follow the flow - they don't subscribe to the same trends as you and me.

So when Prince says the internet is dead, you may scoff (as many did) and you might begin to think he's into the foaming at the mouth stages of lunacy. It's a fact that whenever a celebrity says something of this magnitude the media (in all its forms) instantly re-report it and we all reach for the ridicule button, it's only later that we begin to wonder whether it was said simply to generate that reaction.

Every now and again I get the impression that I'm psychic. This delusion rarely lasts long enough for me to lose any money on rash betting schemes, or appear on television wearing a dubious scarf around my head whilst speaking in a funny voice (that bit comes naturally). This is largely because I'm fully aware that my insights are only as a result of experience and memory. I'm psychic because I'm old.

I can point to a few recent examples of this 'ability'. At the moment that England was forced to play Germany in the World Cup I knew that they would lose. This 'vision' was inspired by a few certainties - England rarely beat Germany in a major tournament, England had been playing badly, Germany had been playing well. England appeared to be falling apart at the seams; their opponents did not - even though they'd had a player sent off in the group stages. For me it was a foregone conclusion, an easy prophecy.