the techno trap

By Paul Flower on Sep 28, 09 03:55 PM

Technology's a trial. Naturally we take it for granted. Massive technological advancements that weren't available to our parent's generation, we treat them as our birthright and become indignant when they fail.

I'm trying to adopt this Zen-like approach as I battle through my ninth day without broadband. It hasn't been easy. The first challenge, when your ADSL signal dies, is to actually contact your Internet Service Provider. Naturally your significant dealings with them are conducted via their web-site or by e-mail, neither of which are available when you lose access on a Sunday as I did.

So, it's already day 2 by the time they know there's a problem. You fill in a complicated form which explains how you've already jumped through the hoops of testing the line with alternate routers/modems and line-splitters. All of which you had to retrieve from the loft of course because you'd assumed you no longer needed them, which was actually true. You fill in the forms and then you wait.

After prolonged waiting, they tell you that there's no fault on the line, that you should try it again. You get home and do so. It still doesn't work. A further ten minutes on their helpline disappears from your life, whilst you're forced to listen to messages suggesting that you take a look at their website. Chance. Would. Be. A. FINE. THING.

Eventually you get to discuss your hardware, the details of which you read from the manuals - the ones you had to dust off when brought down from the loft. Eventually, you wait. Some more.

By now it's Thursday and you've had a week without the web, you begin to realise the limitations of the iphone - as perfect as it is - and long for the slow pace of your up-to-8gb speeds and full screen views. Pick up a paper and read how the Govt wants to tax you an extra £6 a year to extend broadband to all. Fume that you already live in a major city and still can't get any service. Yeah, go ahead and take £12 out of my household so some farmers on the Isle of Skye can get access to iplayer and hardcore pornography. At least the sheep will be relieved.

Now all of your technology starts to betray you. The wii remotes won't work either. They are exacting revenge as they've been so unloved, you haven't picked them up in two months and now you want to resume your interest you can forget it. You don't call, you don't write, you've given up on Mario Kart.

As for the digital set-top box, it's always been temperamental. Now it won't change channel. Naturally the solution is to unplug it from the mains but when you plug it in again it wants to spend 15 minutes downloading an up-to-date TV guide. Then it keeps telling you that you'll need to re-tune on September 30th or risk having no digital stations at all. Naturally you fear the worst, even when you know that 20 million households face the same problem.

If it all goes wrong maybe I can send them an e-mail, if my broadband ever works again.