December 2010 Archives

Awesome!

It has always been a bit of a tradition in our household to watch the Queen’s speech, mostly because we have a very strong armed forces background, but also due to the fact that by 3pm on Christmas day, we have all stuffed ourselves so full of turkey, sprouts and pigs in blankets, that none of us can be arsed to actually move a finger to change the TV channel

.my mum never let us watch ITV

.it’s too common don’t you know, I mean it has adverts!

Anyway, imagine my surprise this year, when instead of the usual non important stuff that Queen talks about, you know, the government, healthcare, family or social issues, or indeed the conflicts taking place in the world, she has said she is going to be basing her speech around sport!

Now I know a lot of you are probably expecting the Queen to focus on the Olympics, and other major sporting issues that affect this great nation, but I’ve managed to get a sneaky peek at the speech in question, and well I am glad to see that Her Majesty is actually going to be addressing the truly important factors that affect sport today.

First on her agenda is Snoods, you know, those god-awful scarf things that footballers wear. HRH is so upset by these, she has said any player spotting wearing one will be immediately locked up in the Tower, and by the end of the week will have their head on a spike.........although they will have the option to wear the snood once the head is placed on said metal protrusion, as you wouldn’t want them to catch a chill would you.

She also states that due to the lack of integrity of footballers now show, with all of the diving, cheating etc, that football is to be scrapped as our national sport, and indeed Darts will take its place, quite simply because 20 stone men who drink 20 pints a day, smoke like troopers and look like they haven't seen daylight in 40 years, are still better role models to our kids today than say, Joey Barton.

Secondly, she is reportedly very upset by our cricketers down under at the moment, no not because of their lacklustre loss on the last test match, it has more to do with the lack of Moustaches on display, KP aside (although his does always look more like Baldricks slug balancing act in Blackadder than a proper tash), England have shown a veritable lack of facial hair, and one is not amused.

Everyone knows that to be great at cricket you need a few good tashes around, I mean hark back to the days of Gooch, Boon, Robin Smith, and of course the doyen of the handlebar, Merv Hughes. That was when men were men, and facial hair said something about who you were..........mostly that you liked to keep your upper lip warm to be fair......but also because it’s a sign of a real man...or just one without a girlfriend/razor.

She also shows dismay at the reports in the media of all this sledging, she addresses this by saying, sledging has always been around, you should see the stick I give Harry and Wills when they get caught out at Silly Short Leg in ones back garden.

Addressing the World of Pugilism, she hails David Haye, Amir Khan and Carl Froch as giants in the sport, and fighters we can be truly proud of and she gives a polite mention to Audley Harrison............well everyone needs a laugh at Christmas!

The Olympics should prove to be a real showcase of not only our great nation, but our sporting prowess too, especially because the world class athletes will struggle to adjust to the conditions of living in East London, not due to altitude, humidity, or even the pressure of the media, no, mostly because of the nonstop diet of jellied eels and Chas & Dave they will be served every ten minutes.

Finally in regards to rugby, my beloved fave sport, she simply says she is looking forward to the World Cup next year..................because she rather likes the sight of men in Lycra.............and Phillip just can’t pull it off any more, but if she spots anyone trying anything like the Bloodgate saga of last year, she will give them a whopping clip round the ear...................hopefully not drawing any blood.

Anyway, it’s Blooming Christmas Eve!! May you all have an awesome time, and bring on 2011!

The Rock has returned to............Epsom!! Back to my hometown roots!! Not to worry, the reason I have done this as I explained, was to allow me to have more time to focus on this blog, as well as allowing me to focus on the more important things in life.......like debating the virtues of the rotation of crops in small allotments, re-enacting the battle of the Somme with nothing but some matchboxes and some frozen peas, and of course, working out how many times my dog Murphy will chase his tail for 30 mins before he manages to catch it, only to bite it so hard, he has to let go in pain..........and therefore the whole process starts again
.ad nauseum............most fun ever!

Anyway, I have my Sky TV on order, and it arrives in time for day two of the second test, but apart from that, what with a lack of sports channels, and a rather large amount of this white dusty stuff, I haven’t seen a huge amount of sport, but one thing that stands out is poor old Rafa Benitez, 6 months in, just won the World Club Championship, and he has been sacked on the eve of Christmas Eve by Inter. To be fair though, if Liverpool had done that with him, they might not be in the state they are now!!

So with the snow clearing, England looking to bounce back from the disastrous defeat in the last test, in which they put up about as much as a fight as Audley Harrison, and with the Festive season bringing a whole raft of fixtures in the world of sport, I reckon it’s time to get my blog back on!!

I’ve just managed to get a job in my local too, to fund my writing addiction, and I’m still going to be riding a whole world of bikes in my Motorcycle Diaries, plus, plus some rather exciting meetings lined up in the world of media for January, and I must admit, it is truly amazing to be back home amongst the greatest set of friends and family a guy could ever have.

Honestly, sometimes, I feel it’s so easy to forget just what’s really important in life, and coming home really makes you remember that, especially if the important things in life boil down to my mum’s awesome cooking!!

Anyway, time to be away and wrap my presents, unfortunately due to my work situation, my family wont bet getting Ferrari’s and Ponies this year, in fact even the price of coal has risen so much (ps. old people would probably actually love some coal for Xmas........it could keep them warm for hours) so that they will have to make do with a carrot.

Hey a Carrot is for life, not just for Xmas!! Anyway, I might returneth with another blog tomorrow, if not though, well can I just wish you all a very Happy, merry, and festive Christmas, this will be the first one in about 8 years I can spend the whole thing at home with my family...............unfortunately for them ;-)!

PS I love how the news is asking for people with 4x4 cars to make themselves available for elderly neighbours and relatives............I never knew old people were so into off-roading..............hang on was that a joke.............I think it was.........sorry.

Now let me first of all state, I actually like Audley Harrison as a person, he comes across as a really nice guy, with his heart in the right place, unfortunately for the big man, the last place that his heart should be is in a boxing ring!

Audley has announced today he will continue as a “boxer”, despite suffering one of the worse defeats in history, since I foolishly decided to take on my brother in the Rumble in the Suburbs...circa 1988......in my mum’s front room. Back then my brother boxed amateurly, I was only 7, and he was 18. Plus to make if even more one sided, we only had one set of gloves, which I foolishly persuaded my brother to let me wear (as I thought I would be a proper boxer) without realising that getting hit by an ungloved hand hurts a lot more than a gloved one!

Hell even in that fight, although it may have been as one sided as the supposed Battle of Britain, and trust me it lasted a lot shorter, at least I got more than one punch off, I mean Harrison threw on punch...........one punch................I mean if you take into account the money he made that must be the best £ to punch ratio ever managed by a fighter!

I genuinely found myself caught up in the hype for the Haye vs. Harrison fight, with Haye coming across as focussed, determined, successful (or as we Brit’s like to call it...arrogant) to Harrisons understated, nice guy, underdog persona, and at points, the boxing logic part of my brain (yes I have one.........and yes more surprisingly I do have a brain!) shut down to allow me to believe that maybe, just maybe, the gentle giant Harrison could win!

The sad fact is though, Harrison didn’t even deserve to be in the ring with the World Champion, and it seemed to just be a fitting and the final chapter in Audleys embarrassing career that promised so much, but delievered so little, after his Olympic success.

Is Audley that bad a boxer? Obviously not, I mean the guy was a superb young prospect, and seemed to have all of the tools, but making the step up to the big time, he just never seemed to have the right head on.

His career just seemed to go from one joke to another, and every time he stepped in the ring he looked about as energetic as Santa on Boxing Day, and seemed to have no cutting edge. Is it because he is such a nice guy, maybe he doesn’t have that selfish side to him? That ruthlessness that allows you to push yourself harder and faster than your opponent in training and in the ring, perhaps he truly believes all of his hype and feels he doesn’t need to make an effort, hell, maybe he is a pacifist, who knows, the fact is that he has failed to deliver the goods for over a decade now, and that he could even still get a fight with the World Champion should be alarming.

So what does Audley have left to achieve, surely at the age of 39, any matches now will be almost pantomime esque, as people are lured to watch a lame tiger try and justify the hype the industry built up around him? You have to ask, what is he trying to achieve now? Is he doing it for the money? Does he truly believe he can still win a world title? Should any of us care....probably not!

As a fighter, who had so much promise, it must drive him mad not to deliver on it, and he seems as equally non plussed about it as us, but like in life, if you keep letting people down by promising the moon on a stick and not delivering, people tend to get annoyed, and it will be interesting to see how much mileage his career has left. As a truly nice guy, and someone who I think means well, I do wish him luck in the future, but personally, I think it’s time we moved on, and focused on true boxing talents, like the aforementioned Haye, and Carl Froch who pretty much put on one of the best displays of the year, some might say faultless, against Arthur Abraham in Finland on Saturday, yet got hardly any press exposure!

Another nice guy, Froch is genuinely world class, and I personally would love to see him get the credit he deserves, because this guy is truly a talent who can deliver in the ring!

Maybe Harrison should do the right thing and join Henson on Strictly!

As for the snow, my dog Murphy is loving it, and for once, not working has its benefits as I get to spend most of the day playing with him in it, but it’s not exactly great for the sporting world! It seems as though the ice age has actually cometh, instead of developing ways of combating the freezing conditions (such as under soil heating, Snoods etc) maybe we should change our sports to be more compatible with the new weather? More on this tomorrow!

Be excellent to each other compadres!