Real Men, Egg Chasing, Jimmy Hill, A couple of Travesties and a world conquering Scot!

I'm not just talking about the lack of passion by the England players representing their country, I mean as footballers as a whole. Honestly who throws themselves on the floor when an opposition player just happens to glance in your direction? Who pushes people in the chest when they pull back on your shirt like a 3 year old girl? Who swears at referees and fans alike?

Well not rugby players, sure we may be a bit more stupid due to the amount of concussions we have received and beer we have imbibed, yes we may have a propensity to sing silly songs and drop our trousers in public at the faintest mention of a drinking game, and yes we may not be as pretty as footballers.

But up and down the country at all levels, from under 5's to Vet's, rugby players pulled on the boots, rubbed in the deep heat and spent their Saturday afternoon doing what they do best, tackling hard, running straight and passing backwards.

I remember once in a Sunday league football match a fat 40 something right back deciding it would be fun to call my mum names, something I didn't take kindly too, so I reacted. Did I push him? Did I swear at him?

No, I turned round, without saying a thing and hit him. Okay, my players were a bit annoyed at me getting sent off, but as I pointed out, he couldn't continue playing anyway, as his nose was broken in 3 places, and like all good rugby players, I apologised, and took him straight to the hospital, where I waited for him to get it reset.

The moral of the story being, I would prefer to stand up for myself, and what I believe in than have my values compromised by lowering myself to the petty bickering that exists in football. Next time you have a beer bellied waste of oxygen doing the same to you in a footy game, try the same, you might not get lauded by your manager, but it's much more fun and I guarantee he won't do it again, and you might even become good friends..........after the scars have died down!

Yes in rugby there is a lot more violence but it is controlled and part of the game mostly and the fact that if someone decides to use my head for some kicking practice, I am safe in the knowledge that I can get up, dust myself down and break three of his ribs in the next tackle, perfectly legally. If I stopped, threw a wobbly akin to a 16 year Miami beach millionaires daughter at her sweet 16 party when her surprise guest turned out not to be Kanye West but Vanilla Ice, and pushed said opponent in the chest like footballers do, two things would happen.

Firstly I would be the laughing stock of the entire club secondly I would imagine the opponent would use this opportunity to remind me how effeminate I was acting by using his fists and thirdly............well there is no thirdly as it just wouldn't happen! To give you an idea of the thrill of getting "Physical" in rugby is like, here is an extract from an email sent to me by my mates I used to play with after his first game of the season on Sat:

"I put in a Jerry Collins styled hit on their full back - he ran at me at full tilt - my shoulder went straight into his sternum, he basically did a back flip, as he hit the deck it was like a set of bagpipes running out of steam - sweet."

There was no intention to hurt the guy, and this is a perfectly legal tackle, and that is why I love rugby, because you may be less skilled, slower, fatter or like me all of the above than your opposite man, but if you want it more than him............he better watch out!

I still love my footy and will always be a huge fan and of course I appreciate it if you prefer football over rugby, hey that's why the world is such an interesting place as we are all different, but all I can say is, I have never met anyone who has played both sports, and prefers the round shaped version of the game.........................

Rant over (Especially since I actually present Offside from 2-6pm on Saturday, so it looks I won't get to play too much rugby this year!) and onto the actual sporting action from the weekend, well let's start with the Rugger, with London Irish upsetting the form book in battering Wasps in the first game, and the mighty Leicester Tigers showing why they are such powerhouses (and of course the team I support) by disposing of a rather tasty looking Gloucester side.

It was great to see Toby Flood settle into his new role at No 10 for the Tigers too, and although he might look about as bulky as Kate Moss standing next to Giant Haystacks, he does have the skill to make that position his own, and maybe impress for England.

In the other games the highlight had to be one of the greatest tries ever scored by David Lemi for Bristol, even if it wasn't enough to avoid defeat to their West country rivals Bath, and Harlequins emergence as a top four club after they beat Saracens, with new Signing Kiwi fly Half Nick Evans looking like the best but of transfer business of the off season.

But there was more than just rugby on this weekend, with all the home nations kick starting their World Cup qualifying campaigns, but not all was well. Scotland lost to the giants of the game Macedonia, which to be fair I still haven't stopped laughing about yet, Northern Ireland also got there qualifying campaign of to the worst possible start, while Wales and the Republic of Ireland scrapped for wins, although The Irish will be a lot happier with their display away at Georgia than Wales lacklustre 1-0 at home to Azerbaijan.

And then finally England took to the World stage, with one of the worst wins I have seen for ages, and if it wasn't for Joe Cole, I think Andorra could have sneaked a draw. What makes this more shocking is the fact that the man who was marking Frank Lampard is a £150 a week painter, while the Chelsea perennial under achiever takes home £151,000 a week.

You wouldn't mind if the guy wasn't playing with about 1000 times more passion than Lump of Lard...............maybe that's the problem?

These players earn so much for their clubs, that playing for England just seems to be a chance to make a fool out of yourself on a national level. I honestly feel we would have done better if we had played the England football team from Soccer Aid on Sunday night, where members of boy bands, soap stars and Robbie William's mate mingled with the elite if retired gods of the football world, and where I got to hear the immortal words uttered from the commentators mouth "It's Sheringham, to Shearer, who plays it back to......................Craaaaaaaig Daaaaaaaviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid"(who then promptly put in row z, but you can imagine the excitement!) proof that this needs to be a necessary regular event in the sporting calendar, especially when you take into account the fact that England actually won 4-3, thanks to a brace each from Shearer and Sheringham, who still looked world class, admittedly even if it was against the goalkeeping skills of Patrick Kielty.

Anyway, at least after the lacklustre England performance we would get to see Bolton's finest, Amir Khan, continue his march to world conquering boxing glory...................or maybe not. In the build up to the fight I was hearing a lot of concern from former boxers who thought that while Amir was technically an amazing boxer, they were worried that he had been knocked down three times already in his career, by men nowhere near the peak of their careers, or the pinnacle of the sport.

How right they were, and how disappointing to see Amir not only beaten, but devastated by a compete nobody, and knocked out within 54 seconds. Honestly, Amir Khan was more Chinny than Jimmy Hill at the World Chin Convention, in Chinsville, whilst he was partaking in a chin wrestling match. I think that's that for Amir now, as much as I wish it wasn't, because you can improve every aspect of your performance as a boxer, your defense, speed, power etc. but you cannot do any work on a glass jaw, and now whoever he fights, will know that all they have to do is get one sweet punch in and it's all over. A sad end to a very promising fighters career in my opinion, but I hope he proves me wrong.

Up next was Lewis Hamilton, driving one of the greatest races ever, and showing the world just how good he is by winning on the penultimate lap at Spa in the Belgian Grand Prix.........only to be stripped of the win 3 hours later by some overzealous officials. Honestly, you can see where he cut the corner, and knowing that he had (he didn't have any choice in the matter either) he let Raikonnen pass him again before putting his foot down once more.

McLaren are appealing the decision, and I have to say I hope that they are successful, as no one drove better than Hamilton on Sunday, and in a sport desperately trying to bring back the excitement, it seems silly to punish the most natural racer out there.

Finally we did end on a high note this weekend, with an exceptional Andy Murray proving me wrong after his dismal defeat at Wimbledon and destroying Rafa Nadal at the US Open Semi, in one of the most amazing games of tennis I have ever seen.

Not only did he out play Nadal, he out powered the Spaniard, and finally made the world stand up and take notice, even if he does look more and more like a backpacking gap year student busking outside New Street Station each day.

So go on Murray, beat Federer and become the first British man (yes that's right Scotland, we will all claim him now!) to win a grand slam for 72 years since Fred Perry (which was quite an achievement when you think how he couldn't have practised for very long as he was too busy making all them t shirts!).

So all in all an amazing weekend of highs and lows sport wise, spoiled only by the deluge of rain that once again stopped any chance of playing cricket I had for the Mighty Harborne CC. Ah well, there is always next season, and you can cheer yourself up in the rain by finally getting your hands on one of the most eagerly awaited albums of the year, Metallica's Death Magnetic which comes out on Thursday.

I was a late convert to the joys of metal, and Metallica, but now I must admit I love them, and although I despise all the fans who are so desperate to hate the record before it is released, I can tell you having got my hands on a sneak preview copy...............it's the boys back to their guitar thrashing best! Hard, heavy, and everything you could possibly want in a Metallica record.

After doing shows every day for the last 8 weeks on Kerrang, I now have a bit of time off to reflect on the effect of the Maastricht treaty towards EU Labour law, Handlebar moustaches and their place in modern day society, and whether or not Soup is actually a meal, or just a snack.
But don't forget to catch me talking about sport and playing rock music on Offside, 2-6pm Saturday afternoon on Kerrang!