What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way, unique up on it!

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

A man walks into a pub with a salmon under his arm.

He asks the barman, "Do you do fishcakes?"

The barman shakes his head.

"Shame", says the man, "It's his birthday".

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A. No eye deer

An American Indian consulted his medicine man about a pain in his stomach that had persisted for three months.

"For something as long as that," said the Medicine Man, "I have a more drastic remedy than the herbs I normally prescribe.

"Chew on this leather thong every day. It is 31 inches long: chew one inch every day, and at the next moon come back."

The Indian dutifully did as directed, and at the next moon he returned to the Medicine Man.

"How do you feel?" the Medicine Man asked.

"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

Why was King Tutankhamun considered the best pharaoh in all of Egypt?

Because he always showed up in cuneiform.

What's an archaeologist?

Someone whose career is in ruins.

How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to B & Q

A drunk is making his way home, and crossing the bridge over the river when he hears voices below.

He looks over the parapet and a minister is baptising people in the water below.

"Have you found Jesus, my son?" calls the Minister.

"No," says the drunk, and staggers down to see what's going on.

The Minister entices him into the water, and dunks his head under.

"Have you found Jesus, my son?" he asks.

The drunk mumbles that no, not really, he hasn't.

The Minister dunks the drunk once more.

"Have you found Jesus, my son?" he asks again.

"No," says the drunk. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"