May 2010 Archives

THE main problem with the Cameron Clegg alliance is that the partnership pulses with so much comic potential that all my smarty-pants ideas for lampooning the two leaders in today's Mercury have already been used up.

CAN it be true? Brazil are such an amazing footballing nation, blessed with layers of ball-belting talent, that they can afford to leave two-time World Player of the Year, Ronaldinho out of their World Cup Squad.

Being a Scot, I can proudly reveal my country has gone one better.

We've left all our players out of the squad for this summer's competition.

Meanwhile, England hopes to host the 2018 World Cup.

Isn't the country broke?

Guess this means that if the Government wants to pay for the expensive shindig, they better get round to Oxfam, fast, and stock up on old jumpers for goalposts.

I know Labour are on the verge of a drubbing, the cusp of a trouncing, the margin of a mauling... but did Gordon Brown really have to start cheating in the election?

Yesterday the PM made a great speech, and that's just not allowed.

The rules of the game state clearly that Brown has to be dull and heavy going - an inarticulate lorry.

Then he goes and spoils it all at the Citizens UK conference by being a feisty firebrand,
a proper Old Labour orator, stirring up the crowds, being all charismatic and passionate.

Lucky he didn't try that a couple of weeks ago, or he might have accidentally won the election, and then what would David Cameron have done? With the recession starting to bite like a Rottweiler's jaws on a postman's skinny ankle, Dave would have struggled to get any sort of decent employment.

It's not as if the doors to the boardrooms of industry and commerce magically swing open for Old Etonians, is it?