March 2009 Archives

IT'S said that everyone alive at the time remembers exactly where they were when they heard JFK had been slain.

I can say the same about Jade Goody.

Lorne Jackson drinks to forget. To forget that he drinks.

Lorne Jackson wonders what Christine Blakley daydreams about while pretending to interview dead-beat celebs on The One Show. Baked potato, tuna and sweetcorn?

Or baked Adrian Chiles, tuna and sweetcorn...

Lorne Jackson knows exactly what the advert means when it says "In Scotland there's so much more going on."

Mugging, glue sniffing, random stabbing, congenial headbutting, getting your first heartattack along with teenage acne.

Did I mention the mugging?

Lorne Jackson wants to know why people always calm down. There's nothing down about calm. Calm up, instead.

Lorne Jackson wishes the babbling voices inside his head would just stop!

Maybe he should take the iPod plugs out his ears, right enough...

Lorne Jackson knows for a fact the aliens have landed. And using the same city centre bus stop as him.

Lorne Jackson wants to know why Dexter wastes his time killing other serial killers. He should slaughter smug bankers instead.

After many days of contemplation in a darkened room, Lorne Jackson has come to the conclusion that Samantha Janus's face is an Afghan fighting kite.

Lorne Jackson says every day is Red Nose Day in his house. That's cos he's kicking back on Toilet Duck on the rocks.