I am truly a blogging genius... says me.
IT'S been a remarkable few weeks for my blog.
According to the web wizard who mans the Mercury site, my readership is shooting into the stratosphere.
Well, maybe not the stratosphere, but it has at least doubled - there are now two of you.
Clearly I'm doing something right.
And that something is nothing at all.
You see, I've not actually written a blog for a while; the exact same while that has seen the remarkable rise in my popularity.
To paraphrase that modern day Shakespeare, Ronan Keating, "I say it best, when I say nothing at all."
Clearly a lesson must be learned - nothing is better than something.
Just think about it, who is the most popular politician this century? Barack Obama. And what, precisely, has he achieved?
Nothing has also been a dazzling success for all those anti-war protestors.
They didn't want to invade Iraq!
And they didn't want sanctions!
And, boy-oh-boy, they certainly didn't want business to go on as usual with Saddam.
But did they have an alternative? Nope. All they offered was a juicy zero. Although, if pressed, they were willing to shrug their shoulders and look the other way.
Devoid of ideas, starved of solutions, they continue to hold their heads high, and are usually admired for having won the argument.
It's not about moving from zero to hero anymore. Zero is the new hero.
I bet even Jonathan Ross's public profile improves, now we don't have to watch him sucking-up to Hollywood ego-surfers, every Friday evening.
Perhaps he should retire for good, along with his bestest bud, Russell Brand.
They'd soon have their tarnished reputations restored, with interest.
St Jonathan and St Russell - now doesn't that have a nice ring to it?