Men have feelings too ..... Male and depression

Left untreated depression can eat away at your self esteem, badly affect your personality, change your behaviour and may threaten the stability of your relationships.

Other symptoms such as obsessive compulsive disorders and panic attacks may also develop.

Women are more likely to turn up at GP surgeries and their symptoms correctly diagnosed - the Diagnostic Manual often cites depression symptoms as such: feeling withdrawn, weepy, feeling helpless, hopelessness etc

Researchers have recently concluded that men rarely present the same symptoms for depression as women, and so very often are misdiagnosed or more worryingly not diagnosed at all.

Generally women are known to 'act in' their depression that is they become withdrawn or inward looking whilst men are now known to generally 'act out' which is that they turn their hurt outwards in the form of aggression or risky self harming behaviours ( drinking, driving too fast )

It appears that male depression presents its self very differently

Are you male and experiencing any of the following?

*You can't make decisions
*You have butterflies in your stomach, anxious feelings, palpitations or sweaty palms, a dry mouth, swallow frequently
*You become easily irritated, impatient and frustrated at the smallest things
*You have difficulty getting off to sleep or if you do get off to sleep but you wake up every night alert and instantly stressing about something and everything
*You feel tired all the time and have a problem getting up in the morning
*You are drinking more than usual / Are you drinking alone
*You drink in the evening and use it to help you fall asleep
*You have difficulty remembering
*You have difficulty concentrating on any more than one thing at a time
*You are verbally sharp and critical sometime aggressive
*You have lashed out either towards another or thrown or smashed things in anger
*Those around you have expressed concern about your behaviour
*You feel bad or guilty if you rest or relax
*You are filled with fears and anxieties about the future
*You may have taken risks with you health - driving too fast or thinking about what you might do to end your life

If you recognise some or many of these symptoms you may be very stressed, if not actually depressed

Depression can start after longstanding stress, major life events and crisis such as births, deaths, divorces, house moves, redundancy, money worries, job promotion/demotion, sexual dysfunction, having an affair, life threatening illness/disorder, major trauma etc In the current challenging climate many more men may be at risk

Our mind body system is robust and meant for dealing with life's trials and tribulations however with our sedentary lifestyles, isolation and alienation from family networks and community, peer pressures and the high expectations from everywhere - globalisation has made the world a much smaller place and the internet brings shed loads of useless information and temptation right into our living rooms.

So you can see how there is pressure to keep up; not just with the Jones but with the whole of the world and all that useless information means our brain never ever switches off. Sound-bite, fast moving TV means that we are continually stimulated and are easily bored with stillness or quiet.

Our body begins to feel 'normal' when our heart is racing, we are moving and on the go constantly and our thoughts are persistent and critical. We never swich off - and thats the problem.

Nathan 50 was recently diagnosed with depression following the death of his mother
'although I became depressed after my mother passed away, I realise now that I had been stressed over various things for a long time. There had been lots of pressures at work, and the possibility of job losses or cut backs were always looming in the background.

There was a change of manager at the beginning of the year and I just couldn't get on with him, I felt continually picked on and when the juicy jobs or opportunities were coming in someone else always got it - I felt sidelined and overlooked. I felt there was no-one to turn to and I even stopped sharing work stuff with my wife.

My mind was racing all the time and I would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and stomach churning thinking of this that and the other. I would only get about two hours of sleep each night. The worst happened when I was driving to work and I broke down in the car and had to ring my wife to take me home as I literally couldn't get out of the car and go through the door at work.

I just remember being shocked when the GP said I had had a nervous breakdown. I was on anti-depressants for a short while but decided to do my own research and made lots of changes in my life; I walked every day for up to an hour, took supplements, joined a yoga class and learnt meditation.

I have realised that my well being is my responsibility and in my hands and that if I'm stable I can meet any challenge in life with a clear head. I also had counselling which helped me to realise that I 'don't do feelings' and how that its really stopped me from fully grieving for my mother.

Being off work gave me the opportunity to think and also to work actively at getting what I need from work; that meant being open and honest about the problems I was having and resolving them with senior managers'

Whilst we may not be able to slow the world down so that we have less stress what we can do is to take simple steps to help soothe the nervous system so that we can think clearly and not be whisked off into the chaos that may be happening around us. We can't stop life happening to us but we can be stable and clear in how we meet those challenges.

Have some form of exercise every day - if you are not a gym bunny then brisk walking every day for 45 minutes is ideal

Learn and practice daily meditation - you don't have to shave your head and become a yogi but extensive research shows that the most powerful way to steady the nerves is to practice mindfulness every day - this is just being present, in the here and now - so if you are eating don't wolf it down whilst watching TV but really look, take in the aroma and fully taste the food.

Use your breath - see previous blog for this but briefly stopping to take five deep breaths during you day acts as a powerful aid in putting you 'into your body' and in the now

We service and maintain our cars regularly but not our selves - so whether you feel you need it or not book a once monthly treat in your diary - aromatherapy massage, reflexology, Reiki healing session, etc are wonderful ways of helping lower stress hormone cortisol levels in your body

Talking really helps - if there is a long standing issue counselling can really help to getting rid of old ways of thinking, old patterns and sadness from the past. New mind/body energy therapies such as EMDR AND EFT can help dislodge long held traumas, phobias and emotional pain. ( contact me if interested)

We are social creatures and one of the first things to go when we are depressed is our contact with others - so make time for your friends and confide in loved ones, as they will often be the first ones to notice that there is something wrong
( If you have been prescribed medication please carry on taking then and work in close communication with your GP but make sure you create the lifestyle changes in order to take control of your life.