September 2008 Archives

Well I may as well come clean and admit that therapists have rubbish lives like the rest of the population! I'm going through a divorce myself and whilst working with many individuals over the years going through this baptism of fire I must say actually being 'in it' is extremely painful, debilitating, confusing and emotionally, mentally and physically draining. The analogy of sitting on the roller coaster that never seems to stop is a good one - I really am wondering when and if it will ever stop ( I know now why I've never liked those rides before!)

There is a real sense of the 'rightness' of this course of action for me even though it might not be for my soon to be ex. Over the years we really have grown apart and become very different people with differing wants, beliefs, goals and values. The children who were obviously our focus before have are now needing us less and I suppose one day I must looked at him and thought 'I've lived longer than I'm going to live and is this what I want for the last thirty years or so of my life?' No doubt the answer was a resounding 'NO!'

I can be quite reasonable and accept that there is blame on both sides, I accept my part in it and in no way think I am a bad person or that he is; just that I want more and I have more to do in life and feel I can achieve them if I am not in a continual state of conflict and unhappiness.

In the last few years our understanding and acceptance of the link between mind and body has gathered great momentum. Most of us can remember the case of Sally Clark who was convicted of murdering her baby when justice prevailed and she was released from jail she is said to have suffered from deep depression, mood swings and to have become a virtual recluse in her own home. She went on to die of 'natural causes' at the age of just 42.

The notion that profound stress, grief and trauma can have a direct impact on the heart is now undeniable. Whilst the case above is an extreme example we only need to recall stressful times of our own to know just how debilitating it can be.

A prolonged, constantly conflictual 'bad marriage' or relationship, a bullying boss or burnout from over work, ongoing unresolved and unexpressed anger, anxiety and depression have long been connected with damaging health but the research now points to even mild stress as a precursor to heart problems.

Over the years I have come to realise that the root of all our mind/body well being is the ability to sleep well. So for those of you want to increase the chances of getting a good night's sleep and to wake up rested and refreshed here are some tips:

A bedroom needs to be a bedroom

If you have your laptop or computer, televisions, work files, or gym equipment, yes! I do know someone who has weights and a exercise bike - used now as a clothes horse, in her bedroom and which she says are a constant source of guilt for her as she never uses them. Bringing work home and then doing it in your bedroom is not likely to induce sleep! Your mind is likely to be racing and it may take you a lot longer to wind down. Watching exciting films on TV will just arouse your nervous system and stop you from falling asleep later.