July 2008 Archives

If I were a rich man, da ba da ba da ba do.....

Ever wondered what the super-duper rich do in order to get so rich?

Do the Sunday Times Rich List and Sir Alan Sugar's gazillionaire empire leave you feeling envious and slightly deflated?

Fear not.

Based on recent research on the psychology of success, there are simple ways you can assure success for yourself!

Read on to discover the eight steps to success.

Don't worry, be happy...

As you might have guessed by now, I'm a firm believer in the power of positive thoughts and its benefits to our feelings and behaviour.

There is now an abundance of literature on finding out what successful people do, and then copying them.

So when my usually grumpy older brother remarked 'How come you're always so happy?' to me on his last visit, it got me thinking.

So I've trawled the latest findings on what researchers found across cultures, countries, rich and poor, young and old, in their search for what creates a general state of ease, joy, relax, trust, comfort, wellbeing, security and hope - collectively known as 'happiness'.

See if you can recognise your self in the following 'ingredients' for contentedness.

You've got a friend...

Most happy people had at least one very close friend or family member with whom they could be themselves fully. This other person knew their deepest darkest secrets and still loved them. The sharing was mutual and the relationship weathered stormy times through openness, commitment and love.

We are family...

Our brains are hardwired to be in groups and be close to others, even though it may be painful at times! People who had close family or community networks were found to be both mentally and emotionally more robust than those who were isolated or cut off from others.

These groups ( it could even be a support group or a political party club or a mother and toddlers group) enable a sense of belonging and of being understood. And, most importantly, that we are not alone.

Hi-ho hi-ho, it's off to work we go...

Given that we will all spend most of our waking life at work, how we feel about it has a major effect on our wellbeing. Happy people were found to have work that they really loved.

You don't have to be Sir Alan Sugar ( although having his money might help!) just to be in a job where you feel you are making a difference and where your contributions are valued, appreciated, recognised and rewarded.

You gotta have faith ...

People who held some sort of a faith or spiritual belief were seen as being much happier than those without a faith. It wasn't that they practiced a particular religion but just held beliefs that there was more to life than just the physical world. Interestingly, researchers found that even those who did not believe in God had used prayer during times of stress.

Please please help me...

It has been found consistently that when we help others, directly through voluntary work or, for instance, simply helping someone across the road (yes yes, we know the joke 'even if they didn't want to go across!') we get an amazing rush of good feelings often described as the 'halo effect', the benefits of which last for many days. The same feelings are generated by giving donations to charity or good causes.

School's out ...

Happy people are constant learners. You won't just find them as mature students but also learning wild and wacky skills.

Our brain needs to feel stretched and challenged constantly and the more you 'feed it', even with doing crosswords, the more neuropathways are established and the better your brain chemistry.

Keep learning, dare to face your fears and learn a new skill such as a foreign language or hang-gliding! By the way, did you know that when you come back from your two-week holiday your IQ levels will have dropped a few points because your brain has taken a holiday, too!

Here kitty kitty...

People who owned pets (not just cats, dogs and budgies but also goldfish and other exotic pets) were shown to have higher levels of 'get up and go' , had better immune systems, were more optimistic and more outgoing.

It is not just the companionship that these pets provide, but also a sense of responsibility, that this animal needs us for its wellbeing - and we humans have an intrinisic need to be needed. Stroking a pet also lowers blood pressure - but don't try that with the goldfish!

So maybe happiness doesn't exist 'out there somewhere' but is really inside us and in our ability to make good connections with others.

Poor Fern Britton. What a grilling she has had from the press and public for losing weight by secretly having a gastric band fitted.

It seems we criticise our celebrities (who seem to have become the modern day gods and goddesses) if they come out of the boxes we have placed them in, and fall from grace).

The Western world has an amazing attitude particularly to the female form.

Even though most women in UK are a size 16 or over, you would never guess this from the glossies that portray stick thin pre-pubescent waifs - and we women are the worst with this.

It was good to put Fern in the 'giggly, safe, big women, isn't she brave, and she's like us' category but not to tolerate her changing - because it no longer legitimated our averageness.

I met renowned TV 'Dating Doctor' Peter Spalton last week, who spoke about the art of kissing.

And last Friday was National Kissing Day.

(So it passed you by, too? And it would have been such a wonderful chat-up line!)

According to a survey by a chocolate maker, 86% of women will judge a guy by the first kiss - and if the kiss is not up to scratch she will not be interested!

Kissing has to be the most intimate act of all intimacies. Warring couples will often remember that when their relationship soured, kissing was the first thing that stopped - way before sex.

Money makes the world go around.

It's a rich man's world.

When most people are asked if they want more money, most (the ones in their right mind!) will say 'yes'.

Because we know that in order to move around in society, have access to good things and achieve the goals we aspire to, we need money.

We know that financial abundance can bring freedom, security, peace of mind and happiness

Yet despite our yearning for more, we have many hidden limiting beliefs about money that may be stopping money coming to us!

Just for a moment close your eyes and think winning the lottery.

Now I'm sure after the initial wow and 'I'll buy this, that and the other' you've started to think of all the people who may want it from you, and others who will be envious.

You may think of who to tell and who not to tell - and why. You may feel you might not be safe from criticism from people for having more than them.

You may start to feel guilty about it and dream of giving some of it away.

By the end of it all you may think you're better off as you are and proclaim: "Well, it can't buy happiness".

(That's another limiting belief, by the way, that will stop money getting to you - or, when you do start making the money, will sabotage it because you know the money won't make you happy anyway!)

It's poverty mentality.

This comprises the limiting beliefs we have learnt from around us, most often from our parents.

If you heard any of the following as you were growing up. you may be running what's called a poverty mentality that could be keeping success and abundance from you:

"Money doesn't grow on trees, you know!"

"You're lucky to have this. You should be grateful!"

All these messages can make you feel guilty about being better off than others. They reside hidden and silent inside you but affect your behaviour, actions and feelings in subtle ways.

Whatever you believe in your unconscious will be created.

If you look at an ideal job but start to panic when you see the huge salary, there are hidden beliefs about money and your worth that may even stop you applying for the post.

So here's how to increase your prosperity consciousness.

1. Become aware of what messages about money you may have received from parents.

2. When you get a negative thought such as "Who do I think I am, thinking I can get that post?" in your head, tell it to shut up and go away.

3. Remember, positive thoughts will make you feel happy. Happiness will make you feel motivated and energised - and more able to succeed.

4. Concentrate on, be grateful for, and enjoy what you have rather than moaning about what you don't have.

5. Feel 'rich'. Take pride in yourself, wear clean clothes, eat well, make the best of what you have rather than waiting for how you can be when you are rich.

6. Look at rich, happy and prosperous people. Rather than feeling angry or envious, think: 'I can do that' and imagine yourself being like them.

7. Whatever you focus your attention on, you will attract - so think about money and wealth coming into your life rather than focusing on the credit card debts.

8. Take control of your money. Consolidate your accounts, set up a debt repayment scheme, sell your unwanted books and clothes at a car boot sale to generate more money and concentrate fully on creating success in your life.

10. Find ways of feeling happy, even though you may be in debt, struggling or single etc by making quality time and nurturing the friendships in your life

The moral of the story? Rich or wealthy people are no more clever than the rest of us.

All they have done is to have clear and passionate goals. All their focus is on wealth and success, no matter what setbacks they experience.

Hold the thought of your success and abundance pouring into your life every single day and work consciously towards your goals.