June 2011 Archives

Miaoow, Keogh fans...
Sometimes I can't do right for doing wrong.
Two days ago, I brought a mouse into the home I share with humans. This is something I once took great pride in doing. I'd present the mangled rodent to the nearest human, which is quite a compliment.
They'd scream - one elderly visitor fainted - then chase me out of the property. This reaction puzzled me greatly. Is a dead mouse that scary? Not as scary as a two legged hairless creature, surely?
Anyway, I thought ridding the property of mice is my job. Maybe they just want me to gently shepherd the pests from the garden. If so, they should've purchased a mouse-dog. If they're that desperate to keep the things alive they should try mouse-to-mouse resuscitation.
Now I secretly bring my hunting successes, particularly the live ones, into the house.
Anyway, two days ago I brought a mouse into the home. Alerted by the commotion behind the sofa, I was unceremoniously dragged away and dumped outside.
The result? One mouse on the loose in the living room - and humans blissfully unaware.
It emerged last night during Emmerdale. A quick scamper across the polished wood flooring and five minutes of hide and squeak.
After upturning all the furniture, the humans admitted defeat and sent me in to finish what I started 48 hours before.
After chasing it onto the patio, the mouse finally submitted and prepared to meet its maker. As it lay, gasping on the slabs the mouse whimpered: "I've just seen an angel!"
"Fraid your wrong, mate," I growled. "It's a bat."

Meaooow there, Keogh fans.
Deeply concerned by news of a Sahara summer. I like the heat, to a degree: the degree being about 78.
After that, I'm as uncomfortable as a cat on a hot tin roof - especially if I'm the cat on the hot tin roof.
It's OK for humans, they can take their fur off. We just have to search for a shady spot and stay there. God only knows how I got through the heatwave of 2005. It was so hot, when dogs chased cats, they walked - and the chickens were laying hard-boiled eggs.
One day I thought it was snowing, but it was just that corn in the fields had popped. What a summer - even the cows were producing evaporated milk.
I can tell there'll be a repeat of that heatwave because I've started to moult badly. Humans could make a coat out of what I've shed over the last three days. The fashion industry doesn't like cat-hair clothing, though. It prefers certain types of animals, but I don't know specifically what fur.
To keep themselves warm, presumably.
I know mohair is very popular, but I've never seen a mo.
No doubt, we'll soon receive the usual warnings about water-shortages followed by hosepipe bans. Last year things were so bad they had to close two lanes of the public swimming baths.
With the temperature rising, I asked my mate Ginger: "How do you find the weather?"
"Get someone to open the front door for you," he replied, "and it's usually right there."