Keogh the cat: home alone with the terrified catsitter

By Keogh The Cat on Mar 5, 10 04:55 PM

Miaow, cat fans!

Seen that film, Home Alone? That's me, that is, and the catsitter, a young girl called Natalie who's much too sweet and innocent to be stuck in my den.

Like a lamb to the slaughter, it is. They didn't even give the girl a gauntlet.

Last catsitter came armed with a water pistol, which comes as a bit of a shock when you're answering the call of nature.

Me and Kightly are a bit of a good cat, bad cat partnership.

Kightly lulls the lass into a false sense of security by sitting on her lap, I pounce when she tries to share equally her affections.

I think the strain of the last few days are telling on her - and I'm not just talking about the scratch marks on her leg.

She's developed a pronounced twitch, particularly when I stroll into the room.

This morning she whimpered: 'Please don't hurt me' as I brushed against her legs.

There's no better sport unless, of course, you're terrorising someone with a cat allergy.

Natalie is here while the humans who share my house soak up sun in Antigua.

They hoodwinked the lass into staying by describing us pets as 'domesticated and no trouble at all'.

In fairness, that's a half-truth: one of us is 'domesticated and no trouble at all'. I, however, can beat a Bengal tiger for bad attitude.

One thing's for sure. By the time the Lockleys come back from holiday, she'll need one - somewhere without cats, like the Isle of Dogs.

And if she sits on my portion of the settee again, she'll find it very difficult to open that box of chocolates they've promised her, let alone fish out the soft-centred ones.

She's apparently trained to tackle problem moggies, the Lockleys warned. She'd need to be trained in martial arts to tackle this problem moggie.