Keogh the cat : don't let Mike Lockley leave!

I've learned from painful experience that when clothes go in the luggage, it's only a matter of days (sometimes minutes if there's been a row) before one, or both, of them up sticks.

That's the thing with humans: can't live with them, can't live without them.

You get annoyed when they're on your bit of the sofa, miss them when they're not.

What's the point of moulting, if you can't leave hairs on a prize piece of cloth? Without them, we wouldn't have furniture to claw.

I think we complement each other perfectly. They feed us, pamper us and provide a roof over our heads. We ignore them.

This whole need to move to somewhere many miles away is one of the big differences between us and them: that, and the fact we're petrified of the noise vacuum cleaners make.

Stick any cat somewhere foreign and they'll try their damnest to get home. There have been amazing stories of moggies trekking hundreds of miles.

Stick any human somewhere foreign and they take their fur off and get drunk before going pink.

I just don't see the appeal, I really don't.