Keogh the cat : Snow joke chasing white mice!
Merry Christmas, Keogh fans!
Tis the season to be jolly, whatever 'tis' means. Mind you, none of the moggies on my block are jolly - the big freeze has seen to that.
Even next door's pond has frozen over, which makes nicking a koi carp a smash and grab exercise.
When it gets this cold, the humans put food out for the birds, which is really unfair - they don't put food out for the cats.
Maybe they do. Maybe it's the birds.
The ice I can just about stand, but the snow poses real problems, if you get my drift.
Hunting mice - especially white ones - is out of the question.
The humans seem to enjoy the stuff and have even made the naffest snowman I've ever seen.
They didn't even give him a carrot for a nose, which is probably for the best: nobody wants to spend the whole holiday smelling carrots.
They just stuck a brown paper bag over his head and drew a pair of eyes on it. They've called him Russell.
Good news is they've gritted everywhere, which makes the whole village one big litter tray.
Each year the humans buy me a present. This year I've got a cat jacket to wear, which I'm a bit disappointed about.
I was hoping for that bloody big bird they've put in the oven.
I don't mean to be ungrateful, but if Mike even thinks about putting that jacket on me I'll make his bells well and truly jingle.
Authors
Mike Lockley - Freelance humour writer and columnist
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