Keogh the cat : Halloween hell and bonfire night misery

By Keogh The Cat on Oct 8, 09 03:06 PM

Bad few weeks for cats.

First, there's Halloween, with all those little people in scary masks knocking on doors.

They ask for a treat and get sweets. When I ask for a treat, I get catnip.

I think they should give the trick or treaters catnip.That would stiffen the brushes on their broom.

Never understood why witches fly on brooms. I suppose Hoovers are too heavy.

The whole 'witches and warlocks' thing is so un-PC - and, again, an example of the catism that we moggies have to put up with on a daily basis.

Would a witch have a black dog as a familiar? I doubt it very much.

A black cat running across your path is unlucky, apparently.

Jolson, the black cat in our neighbourhood, ran across the path of a tractor and got mown down, so it wasn't exactly a lottery windfall for her either.

Every Halloween, the kids used to dress her up as a cross between a werewolf and vampire.

It didn't work. They just ended up with a fur coat that fangs round your neck.

The next black day on the calendar is bonfire night.

If Guy Fawkes had realised the misery he was going to cause for us cats, he would never have gone through with the gunpowder plot.

It didn't work, anyway. He ended up hung, drawn and quartered, which seems the wrong way round to me. You usually draw something then hang it.

Every November 5 is sheer hell, with all the bangs, whistles and fires. There are constant reminders from the RSPCA to keep pets indoors, but that's no good to me and Kightly.

The humans at our house are into indoor fireworks.

Something gets into humans on bonfire night. Last year the village bobby came across two kids, one swigging battery acid, the other eating a firework.

Apparently, he charged one, but let the other off.