A winter's tail

While kitten Kightly plays with the fallen leaves, I feel a decided chill down the spine.

Winter is coming. I know this because my fur is starting to grow.

There are four seasons: spring when it just rains, summer when it rains with occasional bright spells, autumn when it's windy and rains and, the worst of all, winter when it rains with very occasional white stuff called snow.

Apparently, we're in the grip of global warming. Can you imagine how cold it must of been during global cooling?

It's all new and exciting to the kitten, but I dread what's round the corner, if you get my drift. I hate snow.

You can't find a toilet, you can't see the vicious white cat round the corner and you get icicles on your whiskers.

What's more, there are no mice around to catch.

Kightly will find it fun for five minutes, but the novelty wears off when your paws start to freeze.

When it snows heavily, the humans behave very strangely. Because there is nowhere for us cats to go to the toilet, they turn driveways into giant litter-trays, covering them with sand..but do they go mad when we use them! The cruel ones cover them with salt, which makes your eyes water.

Then they make big effigies out of snow, with pieces of coal for eyes and carrots for noses. These are snowmen. They don't make snowcats because cats don't like to smell carrots - and I dread to think what they would use for a tail.

As I was walking through the white stuff with 'Ginger', my favourite tom, some kid shouted: "Snow balls!"

What did the lad expect? Half the poor moggie's body had been submerged in the stuff for 20 minutes.

Autumn depresses me, too. Everything except the birds fall off trees and there are dead things all over the place. The only good thing is the leaves turn brown to match the grass. Soon the ugly patches of dead grass will be hidden by ugly patches of dead leaves.

Last autumn us cats had a competition to see what the first thing to fall on the driveway would be.

Ginger reckoned a dead leaf, but he was wrong.

It was a Christmas catalogue.

What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.