Keogh the cat : takeaway food for pussies

By Keogh The Cat on Jun 26, 09 05:35 PM

Hi, Keogh the cat fans...

Big news. They're planning to open a trout fishery in my village.

That should send the cost of cat-flaps soaring: the one thing this neighbourhood has been missing is a top-class eatery.

I think it'll attract a lot more diners than the bins at the back of Mr Chan's takeaway. And sometimes you hadn't got a clue what you were eating.

Take those prawn balls, for example. What a con - prawns don't have any.

Mind you, the same goes for most of the Toms on our block.

One of our gang ate so much shell-fish he stopped coughing-up fur balls and started coughing up prawn balls.

The chicken miaow mein's a bit spicy, but the crispy duck is delicious. Unlike you're catching live ones, it doesn't leave you down in the mouth.

OK, the self-service is going to be a little more difficult, but, on the plus-side, it will serve a lot more cats at one sitting.

And the food is going to be much fresher.

I'm all for selecting my own fish dish - humans do it with lobsters at restaurants. They just don't have to flick the thing out of the water and bite it to death.

If people had to catch their own dinner, there wouldn't be the obesity problem there is today.

The Lockleys dined on cow last night. How long do you think it would take to bite one of those to death?

I think they would even struggle with chicken. Small rodents would be a non-starter.

I'm hoping this is just the beginning and a mouse farm will follow.

We've already got an ostrich one, but try catching one of those and you'll never use a scratch-post again. My mate Ginger stalked one for half-an-hour...then it trod on him.

Pheasants are tricky, too. They put up one hell of a fight. No wonder humans end up having to shoot them - then send the dogs in.

I love fish - and so do the humans. They say white wine goes well with it.

Only difference is, I don't cook my fish - sushi, the humans call it.

What goes well with that? White grapes, I suppose.