Keogh The Cat : bankers aren't the only fat cats

If your owners have a wooden floor, fat cats give it a polish with their belly whenever they come in.

I decided to watch my weight after getting stuck in that flap they created to make going in and out easier. I think they call it a garage door.

Some humans are even feeding their moggies chocolate, which can be fatal: a kind of 'death by chocolate', which is my favourite dessert.

If they didn't want us to eat the stuff, why did they call them Kit Kat bars?

I think we get a bad press, anyway.

They've made a load of films about a dog, like 'Lassie', who risks life and limb to save his owners.

My favourite's 'Lassie Come Home'.

I think they should re-make it with a cat as the star, a kind of 'Lassie Come Home - Oh, Suit Yourself, You Can Stay Out All Night For All We Care."

Along with dogs and pigeons, we played an important part in the war effort.

Ask yourself this: would you bury a mine on land that a cat had used as a toilet.

My great-grandad spied for the allies. He wasn't very good.

He swallowed a secret note seconds before being captured by the German and coughed it up minutes later.