Love is in the air for Keogh the Cat

The good news is that if you're a cat it's Valentine's Day every night of the week.

Every tom, tom and tom spent last night caterwauling outside our house. After howling near the patio windows for close to an hour, one persuaded me to come out for a meal: his owners keep koi carp.

That's nice - a lady likes to be whined and dined.

A bucket of water was poured over one poor suitor who tried to serenade me: I hate being embarrassed by the humans infront of Tom friends. They'll be showing old pictures of me as a kitten next.

Anyway, I thought love was supposed to be a universal language, so how come no one's drenched Robbie Williams?

I can still remember my first date. Everything was going swimmingly until the thing that every girl dreads happened. I coughed-up a fur ball.

He was the perfect gentleman, however, and pretended not to notice, which was difficult:

I coughed it up on the bonnet of his owner's Ford Fiesta.During our time together, we shared everything. That was one crowded litter tray, I can tell you.

The relationship ended when he fell for someone else. Actually, he fell under something else. The school bus.

The posh Persian over the road has fallen for an older cat, but the age difference is already taking its toll. She complains that all he wants to do is sleep all day, which is what every cat does, surely? Admittedly, not all of us dribble as much as he does and we've got a lot more teeth. Mind you, he's the best on the block at sucking mice.

He looks a bit flea-bitten, but the Persian assures me he's all mange.
He's also got one eye and had a sizeable chunk of his left ear bitten off in a fight. It wasn't his looks that attracted the pampered Persian anyway, apparently. It was his unusual name - Lucky.