Happy New Year from Keogh and Kightly

New Year's Eve is depressing if you're a cat.

While humans celebrated the end of one year last Wednesday night, we felines were waving a paw to four of them. That's no reason to put your left leg in, I can tell you.

I stayed in, read my favourite celeb magazine, Miaow!, featuring a fascinating interview with Jordan's moggie - 'My owner's new breasts terrify me', and watched my favourite documentary, 'The Life Of Birds'. At one point, the chap was standing in the middle of thousands of seagulls and didn't chase after one. What the hell's that all about? I mean,

I could understand it when he was with those gorillas...

I didn't feel like partying, unlike the humans. Each New Year's Eve, they stand in a circle, link arms and run at each other. As a courtship display, it was far too public. And some of the ones taking part were so old, they'd probably already been sorted out by the vet.

For me, It was a time of reflection. I feel I should be doing more with my nine lives.

To that end, I've drawn up a list of resolutions. In 2009, I'm quitting the stroking habit - I hate it when human's rub my fur - and intend to get fat.

I also plan to get a car - sorry, that was a typing error. I meant a carp. There are four beauties in next door's pond. I fancy doing a bit of DIY: if I can learn to prise open that fridge door, the world's my oyster. My best mate Ginger has advised not to open the freezer. He dislocated his neck dragging a frozen chicken into the garden.

Mind you, he's a strange, strange cat - the only one I know who coughs-up fur cubes.

Most importantly, I aim to get on better with the new kitten, Kightly. We can't spend the rest of our lives chasing each other. That's what tails were made for.

And it's wrong to pick on another cat because of its colour - unless it's a tabby, of course.

This morning, in an attempt to be helpful, I told Kightly to stop eating the tinsel. She took not a blind bit of notice. The result was the first kitten to bring-up a glitter ball.

I've also warned her not to sit on Mike's lap. Keeping on doing that and eventually she's going to see something no cat wants to see. Match Of The Day.

From Keogh and Kightly - have a great 2009.

It's taken thousands of years for cats to domesticate humans.

God knows why Julie loves cats.
We don't answer when she calls. We stop out all night. All we do when we get home is sleep.
The funny thing is, when her husband does those things she goes mental.

Calling all member of the Keogh fan club.
We want your cat pictures during the holiday. Send them to us - and the more tinsel on them, the better.