Keogh the cat : let this be a warning
A woman is playing bridge with her friends one night and is enjoying herself so much she forgets all about the time.
Suddenly she shouts: "Is that the time? I've got to rush home and cook my husband's dinner. If it's not on the table when he walks in he will be furious."
When she gets home she realises the only things in the cupboard are a limp lettuce, some eggs and a tin of cat food.
In a panic, she mixes an egg with the cat food, pours the strange stew on a plate and garnishes it with lettuce leaves.
She watches as her husband devours the meal. He cleans his plate, issues a satisfied burp and declares: "That is the best meal you have ever made me."
The cat food, therefore, was served on every bridge night, much to the horror of the wife's bridge partners. "You are going to kill him," one warned.
Two months later, it happened. Her husband died.
Fellow bridge-players gave the woman knowing glances.
"You killed him!" they chorused. "We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in. How can you just sit there and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife replied calmly: "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantelpiece while licking himself."