Brum's Electric

Forget Global Gathering, forget Gatecrasher (OK, maybe not, let's face it, those festivals are fantastic and always deliver a great line-up) this weekend Digbeth - you know, that area that's home to the Vintage Fair (on tomorrow ladies and gents - get down there and snap up some quirky bargains!), The Custard Factory, The HMV Institute and The Rainbow - will play host to the Electric Carnival, and it's looking like it's going to be truly, err... electrifiying!

Now, before all you festival veterans start moaning that a festival's not a festival if you're not in a field surrounded by stinking, sweaty larger louts who haven't washed in three days and are threatening to tip over the poo -filled portaloo their mate's inside 'just for a laugh', you might want to take this into consideration: 20 areas of music and attractions, partying until 6am, no mud to stop you getting between arenas, and over 80 DJs and live acts including Example, Professor Green, Chase & Status, Annie Mac, Sub Focus, Kissy Sell Out, Jack Beats, Dubfire, Beardyman, Martin Solveig and many many more (and breathe). Now... what was that about this not being a proper festival?

I have to say I'm more than just a little excited, however, I do have one dilemma: what to wear? I know, I can't believe it either, me, the Diva, not knowing what to wear. I must have a fever, right? Well, you see the issue is, normally, a festival would require a minimal mix 'n' match wardrobe of cute dress, mac, loose vests teamed with denim shorts, funky hat, bag to smuggle booze in because I don't really want to pay £4 per glass of cider (not that I would ever dream of doing that of course), and wellies or flat boots (needs must my high heel loving darlings - you'd look even sillier trying to navigate mud and grass in a pair of stilettos). A city festival, taking place in mud and grassless venues, allows much more scope for being glam. Except that even I will admit defeat on attempts (there have been several) to wear stilettos until 6am. So what to do? I think this calls for a case of post pay-day shopping!

Being largely a dance festival, I do have my concerns for some of the population in our midst... because as an impressionable young pre-teen, I too had a brief insane desire to make the same mistake of thinking that once the clock strikes midnight and the night becomes a sea of flashing lights and crazy dancing, it's OK to wear fluorescent furry leg warmers with fluorescent lycra mini-skirts or hotpants and minuscule matching fluorescent crop tops.

Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this, is quite categorically not, never has been nor ever will be, a good look. It is foolish, tasteless, and most definitely not flattering. It's a good job I realised this by the time I looked old enough to actually be allowed into a club. Sadly, some of you do not. So please, if you know anyone likely to be sporting this 'attire', please advise them to take heed of my advice, by refraining and saving themselves from public humiliation, or worse, the wrath of POD (anyone watch 'Snog, Marry, Avoid'?) Never fear, I will report back if I do spot anyone. In the meantime though, I must go and shop.

Toodle pip!

P.S. If you fancy getting in on the Electric Carnival action, or just simply want to know what on earth I am talking about because you don't believe such a thing could exist in Birmingham (shame on you). Go here.