Royal wedding? I'll just take the dress.

Call me a party pooper if you like, call me an anti-Royalist, even call me a spoil sport, I assure you, it's not true. I'm just not that interested in how much weight Kate has lost in preparation for the big day (although she is looking a little short of a sarnie or two), how the wedding band is having to be tightened to fit her finger, or how much tat we can possibly print Kate and William's faces on to capitalise from their big day... although the 'Crown Jewels' condoms were rather amusing, especially since the advice on the box they come in is to not use as contraception because they're designed as only a novel item. Genius. Well, I suppose the last thing they need is a story of the Royal Wedding condom splitting and some poor young couple ending up with unplanned sprogs... or worse.

What I will be interesting in however, is the wedding gown, but hey, I'm a girl, I like dresses and, like most girls, I dream of one day having that big white fairytale wedding with a flowing dress, lots of flowers (even though I get hayfever and they'll probably make me sneeze) and the day being basically all about me. Oh, and the handsome groom of course, who, I should probably just point out at this moment, doesn't currently exist.

In all seriousness though, it's getting a little ridiculous really, isn't it. I mean, the latest news reports are even confirming that Kate and William's first child will automatically be heir to the throne regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl. Well, that's very nice to know, but let's not rush things shall we? I mean, they've not even got married yet and we're already deciding on the future of their unborn kids? What if they don't have them? Hmmm? Not everyone wants children. Not everyone is able to have children either, so where would we be then? The first adopted child in the Royal family becoming an heir to the throne? Controversial. And yes, my thoughts are running away with me here, but I'm just saying this all hypothetically. My point is, yes it's clearly going to be a historical moment, and it will I'm sure be a truly amazing day, but give the tat and speculation a rest. I'm looking forward to the day off! Pimms anyone?