Muffin tops, detoxing and M&S!

So, I've been detoxing all week. Why? Well, after falling ill with 'flu-like symptoms' and losing my voice entirely for the best part of 1 1/2 weeks, I decided it best to give my running a rest until I recovered. Recovery however, did not stop me from indulging in a little bit of late night entertainment several times over last week and into the bank holiday weekend, where sleeping didn't happen at night, just a few measly hours in the morning. The result of this was a rather sluggish, bloated, and (I can't believe I am admitting to this) MUFFIN topped me!
- 'muffin top' to those who aren't familiar with the term, refers to that nasty bit of hip/back fat that hangs rather unattractively over your jeans at times of slight over-indulgence, in my case wine!

I couldn't be having this! Surely it's just a figment of my imagination? Even though this time last year I was a good 1/2 stone lighter, more toned due to a gym membership that I can now no longer afford... hmmm. I know! I'll try some clothes on that don't shrink/stretch and if they're tighter... bum bum buuuuuum... I've got fatter.

Bum bum buuuum was the right phrase in fact; my bum bum bum had indeed got bigger. Oh my gosh I want to kill myself! OK, so maybe not that extreme. But I need to do something about it. First though, I'll cheer myself up by going shopping. Right. Naturally I then go to H&M (which I KNOW has a small fit in trousers) and what do I find to try on? a super skinny pair of high waisted jeans. GREAT idea! I created a new dance whilst in those changing rooms in order to squeeze myself into the darn things - I like to call it the Diva-wiggle-diva-yank. After ou've performed my short dance you must then hold your breath at the climax (that would be when you finally zip and button right to the top), do a few lunges and squats to check the elasticity and chances of the bum ripping, and then...unzip: aaaaaaaaand relax. SIGH. I didn't buy them. At least I got into them I suppose.
So the detox: fruit, veg, seeds, sugarfree jelly, no caffeine where possible for a few days. Boy did I feel tired for the whole week, although that could be the late nights catching up on me. My runs felt like marathons, I was ready to crash and burn by 3pm right there at my desk and I didn't feel any better at all. Until today! But now I'm going to go out and ruin it all again. Start again next week then? Maybe.

My little trip to H&M reminded me of a press release I received last week though. It reported on a study that named my current favourite cheapo fashion store, Primarni (OK, Primark) as the store with the least flattering clothes for women - most of them coming up too small. This followed shortly by other high street hotshot, Topshop, and then New Look. I would bet my bottom dollar that H&M would come next in that!
On the other end of the scale of course, for bigger, more flattering sizes, was M&S, George at Asda and Next. I KNEW i should have gone there instead... maybe then I could forget the boring detox?
No - it's good to go on a health kick now and again. But really, ladies, a tip: if you feel a bit frumpy and want to cheer yourself up with some retail therapy, GO TO M&S. I knew my nana always went there for a reason!