The challenge: Diva does... Jonny Dangerous!

In other words, I have to turn him from this:

to....

Well... I doubt that will happen, but a girl can dream...

So in preparation I sent him a 'Diva consultation form' to fill out to see what I'm up against. Here's what I received back:

Name: Jonny "no shoes" Dangerous
Age: 25
Sex: rarely
Occupation: Reporter
Height: 6ft
Dress size: Shirt: have not got a clue, whatever fits, if I try it on that is.
Waist: Getting bigger, but hopefully no bigger than a 34in
Inside leg: Pass
Shoe size: Nine if I pay for them but anything from a big seven to a small 11 if someone is giving them to me.
Interests: Mostly harassing wildlife and being evicted from country houses for licking the ornaments.
Other than that I play lots of footy, go boxing training once a week and used to do 10-mile runs to be ready for the half marathon I ran in March. Oh and for 37.5 hours a week I pretend I am a journalist.

Typical style of dress: I am not sure it has got a name. Jeans I bought with my first ever student loan cheque in 2003 (which means technically I have a still not paid for them), one of a selection of cheap T-shirts usually acquired in a fit of reckless spending at the H&M sale rail once a year and the trainers I wear every day unless I am at work which were bought for me by my mum.

Reason: I have been skint for as long as I can remember and the thought of wasting precious food, petrol, alcohol or cigarette money on clothes seemed positively barmy. I have only just started getting my hair cut at a barbers after years of home grown efforts.

Aspiring style of dress or event for which you need a 'style' over': Event? The next five years of my life.
Style? I would just like to look well dressed for once without having to wear a suit.

Reason: I would like it if I didn't look quite so homeless when I was on a night out. And when the combined aged of your outfit is more than its total cost in pounds you know it is time to take action.

Styles you like: Erm styles? Just run that past me again. I like the models in the window at Gap or the people that drink in the Fighting Cocks in Moseley.
Why: Again I could not tell you. Can we do it with pictures and I will say yes and no?

Styles you dislike: Much easier to find a dislike. Pretty much that of anyone who drinks in the Mailbox on a Saturday night.
Why: They all the look the same, it all costs a fortune and they all look far too serious. Okay, I have only been there once but I didn't like what I saw.

Parts of your body you like: Most of it, except my little sedentary office belly.
Why: I am used to being the leanest of beans, not have a little extra roll here and there.
Parts of your body you dislike: I could do with a new set of front teeth.
Why: One side is in Bradford, the other is in Bingley.

Any other comments: Diva. This is a tough assignment for you. Style wise I am a creaking leaky ship drifting slowly towards the rocks of a lifetime of blandness. You need to scrub the barnacles from my bottom, fix my leaks, shiver my timbers and send me back out to sea with wind in my shiny news sales.

I fear I have a mighty job on my hands... watch this space for how we got on!