Put on 10lbs... then shake that booty!

By Sarah Morris on Apr 10, 09 09:39 PM in Fashion

beyonce booty.jpg

I'm anticipating a 10lb weight gain this weekend. This Sunday to be precise. The reason? I plan on eating half my height in milk chocolate eggs... if I get any. Add to that the rose wine, cheese, creamy puddings, crisps and junk food which I have gone without for the last 40 days and nights in aid of lent. That's 40 days and nights with every Sunday off of course - I've had it confirmed that you can do this so the fact that I lapsed on one or two of these items each week on a Sunday doesn't count.

On second thoughts, maybe I should increase that 10lbs to 15lbs? Either way. this is going to call for some serious wardrobe preparation, and I'm guessing many of you may be joining me in this so I advise you to take heed of the following advice.

So... the first place this massive weight gain is going to show is your stomach - girls, you have a choice: loose top, babydoll dress or shaped top, oversized cardigan... basically anything that skims loosely over your stomach. This will a) allow you to "expand" comfortably as you overindulge, and b) disguise your rapidly forming pregnant appearance that will come as a result of this. There is of course always maternity wear depending on how many easter eggs etc you actually intend to stuff into your currently small/normal sized belly... however why invest when you're going to spend the next week or so sweating it out at the gym in order to get rid of said bump?

The second place this might show could happen over the next few days and could be from a number of places - your boobs, your bum, your hips and thighs...
If you're a busty babe then hey, carry on you lucky lucky cow - some people have to pay thousands for those! (I am, as you might be able to tell, rather unblessed in that department, although I will just add I'm not quite pancake flat). If you must disguise however, always opt for a V neck, and never go for horizontal stripes, high necks or sleeves that cut off at a point that's level with your bazookas.
If you're more of a, shall we say "booty" girl, then my advice is to either
a) do a Bridget Jones and go for the slightly ugly but very practical bodyshaper underwear for maximum minimisation in an instant,
b) make sure your jeans come up high enough to protect your backside modesty when you bend over,
c) avoid ANYTHING that tapers at the ankle, falls and rests at the hip (ie your widest part-it accentuates them), contains horizontal stripes,
or alternatively d) embrace your womanly curves, make like Beyonce, and... 'shake your boooooty... shake your BOOOOTYYY!'

Gentlemen... in a mass generalisation here, the pot bellies you will yourselves accumulate through Easter overindulgence can be disguised by looser tops, no horizontal stripes (as advised for the ladies also), detail focussed on the neckline, tailoring ie structured shoulders creating a slightly stronger, broader frame.

All that said, of course you could just scoff yourself sill, let it all hang out and accept the fact you've just been plain darn greedy. Ooooor just eat normally, don't partake in the Easter festivities and watch everyone else eat all the chocolate and lent forbidden food, then there'd be no issue at all. But where's the fun in that hey?!

By the way - if you haven't already, you can still enter the competition on my last blog to win £200 clothes from Next, a makeover and £50 make up. Closing date is Tuesday April 14th, 9am. Just email the answer to the question to entry@mrn.co.uk and you could soon own a brand new wardrobe!

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