Are YOU a "HOTTIE"... or a "NOTTIE"?
With easter out of the way, Radio 1 harping on about their 'Big Weekend' in Swindon, and several other emails and ads bouncing around about upcoming festivals and latest line-up additions, naturally our style thoughts turn to festival fashion... OK, after the thoughts of which band members you are going to blag your way backstage to throw yourself at (or is that just me?).
So. Where do you start?
Well first of all, if you're one of those people who think that spending several nights in a tent, in a (usually) muddy field lined with overspilling Portaloos and copious amounts of beer, and no credible washing facilities, means you can just throw personal hygiene and self worth out the window for a few days... stop RIGHT there!
Inevitably you will end up a little on the "fragranced" side; eau de sweat, eau de mud, eau de stale beer, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't take your own means of cleaning yourself (baby wipes!) or that it's OK to walk around in your greying bra and ill fitting shorts that are usually kept for the pyjamas-in-bed-alone moments. Don't forget - more people will see you over these two or three days than would usually see you over the space of a couple of weeks... unless of course you overdo it on the first day and spend the rest of the weekend hurling out of your tent...
Not to mention - if you're one of those who plans to "get lucky"... personal hygiene goes a long way. Think about it. Would YOU want to get so far then be greeted with a stale smell or a, shall we say, less than clean sight? Exactly (I think the answer would be no here!!!)
Anyway, back to festival fashion. On the whole, the general rules of dress tend to relax somewhat. However there is still a fairly thick line between being a festival "hottie" and being a festival "nottie". For example, walking around in just your underwear is NOT advisable, particularly if it doesn't fit you properly. And don't think a dodgy bikini is a good alternative unless it truly is hot.
Anything Union jack - ie men's shorts or womens 'Ginger Spice' style tops/mini dresses will never, EVER be cool... unless you like looking like an outdated Chav? in which case, be my guest...
Flip flops in a mosh pit are unadvisable - you may look OK when you go in,but oh boy... when you come out, if you recognise what used to be your feet then you'll be doing damn well... and if you've managed to keep your flip flops then it's surely a miracle!
Take a look at some of these err "beauties" from last years festivals... cruel I know, but hey - commit the crime, do the time!
Before I go, congratulations to Kate Bassett from Stone, Staffordshire, who is the winner of the 'Fabulous' makeover competition. Kate has won herself a hair and beauty makeover, £200 clothes from Next and a £50 Collection 2000 goodie bag!
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Sarah Morris - the Sunday Mercury's resident fashionista: pulls no punches when it comes to style.
A 24 bottle pack of lucozade sport orange is vital for getting through the dry mouths and lack of real food a festival brings.
But dont do what me and my mate did which is use the empty bottles as mini-portaloos.
Or if you are dont put the lids back on, leave them in your tent and go back to sleep.
It was complete Russian Roulette after day two as to what you would be drinking.
Although, much like the film we managed to survive without taking a bullet
JD, my love, that's not good... I hope it wasn't you or your friends who threw that bottle of urine into the crowd at the V Festival a couple of years ago, that also splashed my ear and the backs of the guys near me. That wouldn't be cool sweetie x