November 2008 Archives

Cough cough... sniff sniff...

Yep. I have the lurgy. Pants!

Just when I was thinking "hey! I might have just gotten away without the dreaded winter cold this year" I got struck down with one mighty blow.

Apparently it's because I've been burning the candle at both ends. Whatever; as I've said before, 'work hard, play hard'.

No, not me personally! But the latest word in the world of science is that apparently researchers at the Manchester Metropolitan University believe the Posh one would make a perfect candidate for their latest study!

Why?

Like yours truly, Mrs Beckham is renowned for stepping out in a pair of killer heels, regardless of where she is going (and believe me when I say killer) and PhD student
Robert Csapo, along with Professor Marco Narici is conducting research into the effect that regular wear of sky-scraper heels has on the structure of the lower leg muscles.

They're so interested in fact, that they're currently looking for volunteers aged between 20 and 50 who have regularly worn heels measuring a minimum of 5cm for at least the last two years.

Well gentlemen... here I am!

Forget Victoria Beckham - I bet she doesn't walk half the distance I do in my daytime 4 inchers!

I could tell them a few things straight off too: Constant heel wearing does wonders for your calves. Mine are tight, toned and very streamlined! I can tell you something else as well; if you don't take them off at home, and you don't stretch out your calf muscles from time to time then you're in danger of them becoming tight in a not so pleasurable way.

Take my friend for instance - she walks around on tip-toes even when going barefoot because her calves feel too strained after years of wearing heels. And my nan - she wears slippers with a heel because years of high heel wearing have left her with the same problem.

Me? Well - I go to the gym, I run, and then I stretch. No complaints here.
Now... I wonder if Mr Csapo and Prof Narici would like a candidate from the West Midlands...

It seems I have a bit of a confession to make... after my rant about ridiculous fashion last time, notably poking fun at Katy Perry for her daft outfits and wearing Obama's face emblazoned over her dress at the EMA's, I too have been found guilty of performing the act of fancy dress.

Oh yes, my fellow friends and fashionistas; I dusted off my leg warmers, pulled on my shiny PVC leggings, accessorized in silver and glitter, adorned my chest with Debbie Harry's face... Yes. For one night only I was indeed, a pure, unadulterated, EIGHTIES lovechild!!!

But it didn't stop there. I pumped up the volume of my friend's Wham CD and threw some vintage eighties shapes across the floor, before making a real cut on the dancefloor of the Hare & Hounds in King's Heath. It was Guilty Shoes's 1st birthday party and 80's was the dish of the day!

And the winner is....

Katy Perry! For setting the new EMA world record for the most ridiculous costume changes in its awards history!

I must hand it to the girl though - 11 outfit changes in one evening is pretty impressive. She's certainly outdone me, even if they were a little bizarre; spinning merry-go-round skirt, banana swing (so technically that's a prop, but still!), half tuxedo half ballerina costume, 'Obama' dress.... There's no guessing who she voted for there then!

So, last week my dad surprised me with his 'discovery' of 8" heeled 'whore' shoes. Now it turns out my supposedly innocent younger sister is a lot more clued up on this fetish scene than I would ever have previously expected....

I perish the thought.

Luckily I can rest assured in the fact that she can't even balance in a pair of 3" heels so I very much doubt that she's personally experienced these 8 inch wonders. What she did do however is educate me on how to walk in TRULY high heels.... I'd better get practising!

Watch and learn! http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yl99N3iTYT4&feature=related

Scary!

Talking of scary, does anyone else find Grace Jones slightly disturbing?

Given that, at nearly 60 years old the woman looks damn good for her age, but is that really an excuse to both a) pose in a national magazine, and b) go on Later... with Jools Holland (I love that man) wearing a pair of leather/PVC pants?

And by pants I don't mean the American translation of trousers (what's with that?), I'm talking about pants. Knickers. You know, shaped like a bikini but is designed to be worn UNDER your clothes and should not be worn as outerwear (before you say it, how many people do you see going out in bikini bottoms when not on the beach? Exactly).

Honestly!

I've only just about got over the leotard clad Madonna spreading her legs just to show the world how her 50 year old 'oh so flexible', (oh so manly) bod has still 'got it'!

Ladies please. We don't do this in our twenties, we don't want to see you do it in your fifties. Leave your underwear as outerwear fixation to fancy dress parties and your bedroom... or even better, don't do it at all.

Actually, I retract part of that last statement. If you simply must flaunt yourself, why not just do the decent thing and wear a tasteful basque, or bodice style top?

A staple part of any self respecting Goth's wardrobe, and now that Goth has gone somewhat mainstream (for this season at least), these items are bound to be found lurking in many a designer or high street retailer's latest collection.

All hail Morticia Adams!

In all honesty, I've been dying for this to 'come out' as a fully fledged trend for quite some time now. OK, so some of the more extreme and quite frankly terrifying 'Goths' may be a little far to go, but certain elements can be actually quite endearing and rather beautiful; the nipped in waists (much coveted for this season and of which I personally am a big fan) resulting from well made corsets, the lace, the frills, the dark and mysterious eye make-up.....

Of course it's not for everyone, but it certainly beats going out in public wearing nothing but a pair of dressed up knickers!