Lesson 1: How to walk in high heels

I learnt a very valuable lesson last week when on my way home from a FABulous night out on Summerrow:

6 inch platforms + wine + downhill slope = embarrassing tumble and subsequent knee bruising.

On the plus side my very cool shiny black leggings acted as slide, preventing grazing... AND they didn't mark or rip! Practical fashion - GENIUS! Just one word of warning though - if you have tree stumps for legs, never, ever, ever, ever, EVER wear shiny leggings.

You will look hideous. I am talking PVC shiny here. But shiny plus slightly overweight do not now, have not ever and will not ever look good on anything other than slim... you may just about get away with it if you wear sky scraper heels with leggings, but any hint of a bulge will be magnified by approximately 100. You get me?

Now, for those who know me, when it comes to heels it's the bigger the better, and 99.9% of the time I WILL stay upright and put you all to shame with my pure talent for wearing the highest shoes and keeping the best balance. In this case it was the 0.1% of my time where I had a glass or 2 too much wine and didn't take into consideration the fact that i was wearing the highest shoes I own and had to walk home down a steep downhill complete with cobbles. I will
never learn.

The rest of you can learn from my mistakes though and avoid said mishap if you follow these 3 simple rules of walking successfully in high heels:

1. Practise at home first
2. Don't drink wine
3. Don't walk downhill

If this doesn't work you have several options to help you fall in style:

Scenario 1 - you're wearing a short or floaty skirt. Solution - wear good knickers!
Scenario 2 - you're wearing a pencil skirt. Solution - carry safety pins in case of rippage.
Scenario 3 - you're blind drunk. Solution - there isn't one. You're a mess and this is your liver's way of punishing you. Don't do it again.

If all else fails... laugh it off, pick yourself up off the floor and carry on with your head held high. If someone laughs at you be thankful you lightened their day... and wish a bigger fall on them in return!

I hope you learned something today. See you next time!