October 2008 Archives

My father has discovered 'whore' shoes!

On learning that my last blog was about trying (and failing on that occasion) to walk successfully in 6-inch heels, my Dad instantly commented:

"What do you think about these 8-inch heels that have been made?"

"What 8-inch heels?" I replied.

(What?! Shoes with higher heels than my own and I don't know about them?)

"Oh yes, it's been on the news about them"

Well! First of all I was impressed that my Dad had actually taken notice, never mind even thought about anything to do with fashion.

Then came the horrific realisation that my dad, my own father, knew something about shoes before I did!

Naturally I had to 'Google' these wondrous things! Alas, though I did find some, they were (how can I put this without hurling an insult at someone) 'WHORE' shoes!

Now Dad, tell me, is there something you aren't letting on about here?

I felt a little deflated.

I know these 'type' of shoes have been in circulation for a number of years already, but I never really counted them because - let's be honest - the only people generally seen wearing these things are typically whores, strippers, Drag Queens and Geri Halliwell in her Spice days.

Remember that drag-esque Union Jack look? Just for the record it was neither big, nor clever, and yes you DID look chavvy and ridiculous if you copied it.

I, for one, did not for those very reasons.

Surely my Dad wouldn't lie to me about such a sensitive subject?

So I continued my search. I found one pair of extreme Versace heels in a fashion feature in the November issue of Eve magazine, but whether they are 8 inches high. I've no idea.

And with a price tag of £550, I'm not about to find out anytime soon.

What I did find, which quite fascinated me, was a website full of 8-inch heels.

Now, at first all you see are the previously mentioned 'whore' shoes, but as you scroll down you come across some 'pointe' ballet style shoes with 8-inch heels.

Right. Anyone practising their ballet moves next time they go out?

I've heard of ballet-inspired fashion before, but seriously?

If you're a ballerina worth your salt you wouldn't be seen dead in a pair (you wouldn't be able to dance for a start - unless you plan on doing one long and constant pirouette. Even then, the heel would get in the way).

And as for anyone else, well, what exactly is the pointe? (Get it? Ha!)

My search continues...

I learnt a very valuable lesson last week when on my way home from a FABulous night out on Summerrow:

6 inch platforms + wine + downhill slope = embarrassing tumble and subsequent knee bruising.

On the plus side my very cool shiny black leggings acted as slide, preventing grazing... AND they didn't mark or rip! Practical fashion - GENIUS! Just one word of warning though - if you have tree stumps for legs, never, ever, ever, ever, EVER wear shiny leggings.

You will look hideous. I am talking PVC shiny here. But shiny plus slightly overweight do not now, have not ever and will not ever look good on anything other than slim... you may just about get away with it if you wear sky scraper heels with leggings, but any hint of a bulge will be magnified by approximately 100. You get me?

Now, for those who know me, when it comes to heels it's the bigger the better, and 99.9% of the time I WILL stay upright and put you all to shame with my pure talent for wearing the highest shoes and keeping the best balance. In this case it was the 0.1% of my time where I had a glass or 2 too much wine and didn't take into consideration the fact that i was wearing the highest shoes I own and had to walk home down a steep downhill complete with cobbles. I will
never learn.

The rest of you can learn from my mistakes though and avoid said mishap if you follow these 3 simple rules of walking successfully in high heels:

1. Practise at home first
2. Don't drink wine
3. Don't walk downhill

If this doesn't work you have several options to help you fall in style:

Scenario 1 - you're wearing a short or floaty skirt. Solution - wear good knickers!
Scenario 2 - you're wearing a pencil skirt. Solution - carry safety pins in case of rippage.
Scenario 3 - you're blind drunk. Solution - there isn't one. You're a mess and this is your liver's way of punishing you. Don't do it again.

If all else fails... laugh it off, pick yourself up off the floor and carry on with your head held high. If someone laughs at you be thankful you lightened their day... and wish a bigger fall on them in return!

I hope you learned something today. See you next time!

Hi. Welcome to my diary. My Diva Diary... apparently. Why am I a Diva?

According to www.dictionary.com "Diva" translates mainly as one of two things:

A distinguished female singer

A prima donna

Well, as much as I would like to think so, the first one isn't technically true, although I do a mean karaoke and have been a vocalist for a band or two...

So that leaves "prima donna".

Definition: a temperamental person; a person who takes adulation and privileged treatment as a right and reacts with petulance to criticism or inconvenience...

Aside from feelings of sheer annoyance when I don't get my own way, I'm not temperamental. Though I do like to think of myself of a bit of an arty farty fashionista type, and that and a temperamental nature do stereotypically go hand in hand. Please note I said stereotypically. I am not a stereotype.

As for the rest... OK so that's true. But with good reason. Here's my case:
I work hard

I work out hard - I ran 11.25 miles in 1hr 40mins on Saturday! (I now ache all over)

I watch what I eat (apart from the wine and chocolate thing... bit of an over-indulger in those departments)

I take pride in my appearance - Image IS everything; people form an opinion of you within the first 4 minutes of meeting you. Fact. Don't like it? Dress better, do your hair, apply your make-up immaculately and don't forget to smile.