Reviewing Productivity

I gave myself a PDR today - Performance Development Review. All companies do them now, and just because I'm a self-employed transcriber working alone at home I didn't feel I should miss out on a chance to develop myself on both a business and personal level. So I gave myself one.

I made a cup of coffee, put some biscuits on a plate, and took them upstairs to my study.

"Just sit down and make yourself comfortable," I told myself, so I did.

ME: So how do you feel you're doing at the moment, Brummie Broad?

ME: I don't think I'm doing too bad at all actually?

ME: Any problems?

ME: Only with doorstep salesmen and the money grabbing tax man.

ME: Do you feel you need to develop in any way?

ME: Well I'd like to learn to speak French and maybe travel the world a bit more, but other than that, typing at 140 words per minute might be advantageous, you know, to keep up with the work.

ME: Do you find it difficult to keep up with the work, Brummie Broad?

ME: Ah, a trick question, suggesting I might be a bit incompetent. Clever. No difficulties with the workload per se, but obviously I'd much rather be lounging around all day reading books whilst sipping Pimms and chomping on delicious delicacies from M&S.

ME: I see. So tell me, Brummie Broad, what do you do when your workload is particularly heavy? How do you cope with that?

ME: I type faster. Scream louder. Use more swear words.

ME: Would you say you're satisfied in your job?

ME: Hmm, let me think. No stressed-out boss breathing down my neck, no insecure work colleagues plunging sharp blades into my spine, no soul-destroying commute to and from work every day. Yep, I'd say I was pretty satisfied with work, life and everything, overall.

ME: And where do you see yourself in a year's time, Brummie Broad?

ME: Doing this, but probably slightly madder, probably a lot scruffier, and with dark stains on my front door from the demise of many, many salesmen. Okay, your turn now, rate me. Go on, say nice things about me, tell me how fab I am at my job and how pleased you are with my work.

ME: Umm.

ME: Go on, I can take it. What do you think of my performance really?

ME: Well there is something I wanted to bring up that you've already mentioned actually. We do think you're a bit... well, a bit scruffy.

ME: Pardon?

ME: Scruffy.

ME: But... but... I work at home! I can wear what I like, and I like the mad old biddy wearing hippy skirts look.

ME: We've had complaints, Brummie Broad.

ME: Complaints? From whom?

ME: The neighbours. They say you're bringing down the tone of the area, and that house prices plummet every time you take the dog out for a walk.

ME: I see. Bar stewards. Anything else?

ME: No.

ME: Good.

I think it went quite well and expect an incredible pay rise in the immediate future - which the tax man will no doubt swipe from my hands before it even touches my palm (git).

I'm thinking of utilising some other business related activities to help with productivity, like going out for lunch with myself, gossiping with myself around the printer, or networking with neighbours (periodically yelling, "Oi, when you gonna cut yer hedge?" out of the window).

And, of course, booking a few sessions with the nearest psychiatrist.

Brummie Broad: Here every Tuesday
Brummie Blogs: Rest of week