The majesty of Jaws: The Revenge
Sometimes a film is so terrible it goes through the black hole of awfulness and comes out the other side.
Yes, there's many a fun flick that can be described as 'so bad it's good.'
But very few transcend the intrinsic meaning of our human notions of 'good' or 'bad'. A movie that cannot be put into either box.
Jaws: The Revenge is one of those films.
The original Jaws is, of course, a landmark. A masterpiece of popular cinema. The first summer blockbuster.
A great cast - Shaw, Dreyfus, Schneider - with a young Spielberg on top of his game.
What more could you want?
Well, I'll tell you.
I want a plot so poorly conceived yet played with such deadly earnest yet bad acting that it rivals Airplane! for humour.
I want to experience Mario Van Peebles' glorious Jamaican accent. One of the wonders of the modern cinematic world, it's more Apu than Bob Marley.
I want to hear the shark growl and roar!
I want to see Michael Caine literally on holiday while reading his lines from a Teleprompter after just downing three strawberry daiquiris.
I want to watch as some bloke gets his arm bitten off but then not notice for a couple of minutes.
I want a man to hide from the shark in - what looks like - one of those plastic shipwrecks you find at the bottom of a goldfish bowl.
I want to know they filmed seven different endings yet decided on the one where Ellen Brody spears the fish with a pole sticking out of her boat. And then the bad boy blows up!
And, more than anything, I want to cheer as Caine greets the appearance of a 40ft killer shark at his feet with the immortal line "Oh S*&$!"
Maybe I'll leave the penultimate words to Mr Caine.
When asked about the film, he said: "I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific."
Well, Michael, you should watch it. You'll have a good time.
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Paul Cole - Paul Cole - Lost, Torchwood, Sci-fi, Dr Who and anything worth getting the Anorak on for
Steve Wollaston - Wookie-loving Star Wars fanatic with a love of all things Dharma and sci-fi. Our resident You-Tube trawler.
Daniel Smith - Would-be scientist who can't add up. Believes Sisko is the best captain and Ronald D Moore is some sort of god.
Scully - Roving geek, with interests ranging from comics and sci fi to genre shows you may not have heard of yet, via John Cena (guilty pleasure). She wants to believe Lost is going to end well, but people do consider her a skeptic...
Jaymeetee - Marty Mcfly loving film buff, on a mission to watch and review all of the imdb.com top 250 movies
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